@Nisor.

Thanks a lot for your support, really means a lot. I seem to be at the stage where I do not get much dopamine highs when I think about LO. It feels much better than before, am able to concentrate better at everything. So, it looks like the LE is wearing out. It is heartening to hear about Snowphoenix’s interaction with LO, how it was very controlled, and not heavy. Hope it goes a similar way for me as well. All the best to you.

ABCD, hi

I’m glad you’re not letting lo
to intrude in your mind so much as before. I think with time it lessens more and more if you don’t entertain the ruminations. I had ten months I could not at will stop them. But after ten months I have much more control. Of course it would be a different story if I had to face Lo daily or even once in a while. It’s heart breaking seeing your lo and not being able to tell them how you feel and hug them and share. What a tragedy! It’s a test of the emotions. I definitely would not be able to take it, probably leave the job or location. Wouldn’t be able to put up with the suffering. That’s how strong my feelings are. But, I suppose if one have no other choice than to stay, one would somehow develop coping strategies…

Can you imagine dreading the future interactions with lo? What does that do to your mental health? The doubts about yourself. The fear? Cannot begin to imagine it! Think that lo is just another co-worker, be stubborn in that thought and go face them. The only thing bad that could happen is that you act awkward, and who cares? You be yourself, calm and collected, if that even possible. Darned limerence.

Wishing you the best always. ☘️

I could find a reply link to your post, so I am writing here. I really feel that NC is working well. Now I am getting to a point where I am not thinking too much about LO, the feelings seem more manageable. Hope that this continues into the future as well. What will happen if there are future interactions with LO? Will LO ignore me? Will we have courteous conversation? I think I am getting to a point where it does not really matter, whichever way it pans out is fine.

@Snowphoenix. I am glad that you had a courteous interaction with LO, that’s really great. You are making excellent progress. I also seem to be making steady progress, hope to have similar interaction as yours in the future with LO, if we cross paths.

Snow. No harm done.
I’m glad things went great for you at work today. What a relief you must feel eh. I’m ok. Thanks. We keep on trying and enjoying life as much as we can. Waiting for autumn to go for long walks and extrovert as much as possible. It’s been hot in Europe this year, too hot for me. This will also pass.. have a good rest and sweet dreams wherever you’re. 🌹

@Nisor,

Thank you for thoughtful explanation! Maybe as a non-native speaker, it’s a bit hard for me to distinguish personal and collective “you”. I try hard avoid using the 2nd pronoun, “you” which sounds liking reprimanding, reminding me those harsh k-12 teachers. Also I prefer using “one” instead of “everyone”; I can only speak for MYSELF.

No, I’m not upset, although I could sound like my feisty Granny while being “innocently” provoked. To respond any messages here only helps me understand myself better, affirm some cloudy beliefs and standing, and express them in much organized fashion, which increases self-confidence and helps “reprogram” my often jumbo-mambo limerence brain. So thank you for your challenging advices, even if they do not quite apply to my case. 😀

I hope you are feeling better and better, and getting stronger and stronger! 🙏

Snow, sorry, I wasn’t thinking of you when I typed that post. I was merely speculating about limerents that have SOS and work together with Los that don’t reciprocate, but still have to deal with them daily. Each one has a different situation. Don’t take things to heart , I didn’t mean to upset you or anybody in the LwL community. Take care. 💪🏽

@Nisor,

“LwL is trying to find an individually effective way to tone down intensity of LE… LwL’s aim is not to help us emotionally kill our LOs..”

“Ask yourselves, do you really want to emotionally kill SOS? Is it a danger in your life and your mental health? Or do you like the sweet suffering it brings to your life?”

You mean kill LO? I DEFINITELY do NOT want to emotional kill LO. Not responding or reciprocating our LE cravings is not a CRIME. LO himself is not a danger in one’s life and mental health; it’s limerent’s CRAVING for LO’s reciprocation for our affection. In my case, LO was/is an external fuse, inspiring my internal muse — the Phantom, for learning new, exploring my Self, creating, and sweeting my melancholy about the unfair or imperfect world.

“Everyone wants to know what’s ahead along the road if you maintain Lo in your life. “

I’m not sure if I belong to your “everyone” list. I know what’s ahead in a short or long run — LO is UNAVAILABLE, so I make effort to to stay here and now, enjoy what I have in front of me, one minute at time — like I fully enjoyed LO’s chitchat this morning without any anticipation. He’s an “Esmeralda” to me, a “Quasimodo”.

“You know you’re living a double life, and living one life is hard enough, but Los brings so much satisfaction, a new meaning to your life, such and excitement, you cannot let go. “

A double life? Not in my situation w/o SO (lovers excluded). We limerents here are learning how to better appreciat the “satisfaction” “new meaning” “excitement” LO brings to our life, without desperately grasp LOs as if we cannot survive with them. We CAN!

“Got to choose? Hmmm, it’s so hard, the hardest thing you’ll ever encounter in all of your life.”

If you have a SO, it could be, not necessarily, “the hardest thing” to choose between LO and SO. If available LO doesn’t care about your affections, then you’re not given any choices.

“I believe that ignoring them completely will do the trick. That way you’ll know the truth about them. “

Hmmm….? With a total NC, one cannot even hear, see or read what LO says or does, then what kind of “truth” one could know about them?

“You have to become stoic and suffer silently, not leaking any feelings or emotions around them. “

How “around them” is considered NO Contact? Being Stoic to me means do not REACT to how others ACT (eg. in Sammy’s case: ignore bullies, bullies would leave him alone. Then he got less bullied. ) Hasn’t every limerent “suffered silently” enough, to the point we all came here to safely express our sorrows and woes?

“Maybe if you keep the ignore-them attitude for a long time, either they
react positively towards you or feel relieved from you, this way, in any event, I hope you realize what’s up and act accordingly. “

So NC — “ignore-them attitude”, is to “stimulate” or “poke” LO’s actions and reactions, instead of asking them directly for an answer, or leaving them alone and just focusing on reducing the intensity of LE craving?

How do we know LO “feel relieved from “us? By words, actions, ambivalent attitudes? “….act accordingly.” — let LO’s (re)actions tie an invisible string on our neck, and then “pull and push” according to LO’s whims?

“If lo behaves dismissive then you know for sure where you’re standing”

“Know for sure” my own standing based on others behaviors? How do we distinguish between actual and perceived “dismissive”? Would LO’s standing make differences in my life? 🧐 Love me or hate me, LO is still unavailable, Period!

“swallow your pride and as much as it hurts you, move on, but persevere on the ignore-them attitude. “

What kind of “Pride” do you mean here? My pride —

In a relationship or friendship:
1. I will give more than take; but I will not allow anyone just to take and take without giving or giving just crumbs.
2. I will never BEG affection from anyone.
3. I will not let even an Olympian God-LO treat me as a Limerent Pet or a side- chick.
4. I strive to act like a female Quasimodo to a worthy male Esmeralda.

“Hold on to it. After awhile you become numb. The games limerents have to play to stay sane!”

Not just “stay sane”, I want to invigoratingly dance and “fly” day and night, w/o LO’s existence!

Dr.L: Is LwL aiming to help limerents feel “numb” in order to “stay sane”?? 😳 If you hint a tiny bit of “YES”, I will run for the hills….🏃🏻‍♀️

Typo: before he spotted and greeted me;

@ABCD

On the first day of returning to work, I chatted with LO #7 outside and inside our shared lounge. I could have “run away” before he spotted and agreed me; but was too curious to let the opportunity go — to check my own progress of healing limerence in the past 40 days.

No glimmer, bodily twitch, inquisitive look, lukewarm politeness or unknown tension from his side, neither from mine — I was making tea while he was watching at door, no one else was around. No rabbit jumping inside me, as if was just catching up with an old friend. He briefly asked me how my summer was, during which I also suddenly pulled off NC in texting (over 2 months before) without a word of explanation. I answered with a smile and excitement inside, “Very good”, which is a truth.

We greeted briefly again in the hallway (dreamed about it hundreds of times) as I was leaving the building with another colleague, all courtesy. On the way home, I asked myself: what did I see in this man? (He dressed down, looking humble, warm, attentive, at ease w/ a bit weary due to an international trip with his wife and daughters). I was semi-secretly limerent for this guy for 6 years?? 🧐 — What a surreal, mind-boggling concept? 😳

Dr L: I tried my best to observe how my body, mind, and soul had acted and reacted during those 10-15 minutes of the interaction — no time to send Qi of any kind. Everything seemed to be running natural and smooth — focused right then and there! All what happened during the previous 6 years seemed to be already in the distance of the canvas.

Now, I’m just calm, gratified, and deeply joyful, no giddiness….🧘‍♂️. Thanks for everyone’s caring, questioning, discussing & debating (help clear my mind), and the featured blog articles!