Your entire comment makes so much sense.
“ I think, Allie, that one of the trickiest moments to manage in limerence is when you feel you have had a definite spark with someone and now that person is slipping away and there’s nothing you can do to reel them back in – assuming they were ever on your hook in the first place!! Casual words and actions fail to reignite interest. Little hints and subtle remarks fall flat. The dream appears to be dying, but poor widdle limerent doesn’t want to give up hope just yet… ”

It describes my situation soo well. We met, we felt spark, we talked about it, but it was all very safe because we are in different cities. But get this: there was understanding that what we were doing was only to stay virtual (think sexting), and cannot be anything else, because both are married and not looking to break our marriages. But I thought it could be our special thing and we can keep doing it and bond over it, and help each others confidence and ego. Only after some time, there was no more mention of it, we kept on talking a lot and helping each other, but there was never any mention of what we did. And the longer time it has passed the less and less likely it is to be, but poor little me cannot accept it. I miss the butterflies and he was giving them to me and I want more. I don’t want or expect to be in a relationship, even thought I am limerant and it’s affecting my life more than I want it to.
And I will never admit it to him because I don’t want to be a fool. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. I don’t want my pride hurt.
Yesterday, we approached this subject again… and there was some evidence that he might still be attracted (only sexual, nothing more), but he pulled back and abandoned the conversation.

Thanks Nisor. It’s complicated by the fact that although the attraction is mutual we can’t act on it, we’ve made a decision not to and have to stand by that. I’m trying to keep the limerence at a manageable level until I can come through this LE, so that I just feel a bit of sadness and longing rather than out and out despair.

But yes, I liked “If we’re to lose someone, at least let’s not lose our dignity or self respect. Let’s withdraw with graciousness and pride.” I’ve been guilty in past LEs of losing all dignity and self respect in desperation over an egotistical and harmful LO. I will keep that in mind. I think I’m already doing better than previously but it’s early days.

Nisor,
“Hi, Marcia. That’s correct. It goes both ways. You know that you know you click and can’t hide it.”
That’s one thing I learned from my last LE. If it feels like having to move heaven and earth to get things off the ground (and it’s taking forever), it’s probably not going to happen. It shouldn’t be that diffiult to get together.

Wow 46 years Nisor. My folks are close to 50 years if not there. My sister is a year older and before that mother had a miscarriage that have would have been my oldest sister. Congratulations on such a long time together. That is amazing. Hopefully for us love will live over limerence.

Hi, Marcia. That’s correct. It goes both ways. You know that you know you click and can’t hide it.

I was super shy in my early 20s, maybe too innocent and ignorant, but I graduated later on: I asked my SO to marry me!!! He did immediately! 46 years now and counting…

Love is in the air…

Nisor,
The flip side of that is … if the woman is into the guy, and she can tell he’s trying to approach or chat her up … she’s going to help him out. Stick around in the vicinity, open body language, maybe smile at him, etc.

Hi C for cat.

Sometimes we try to fool ourselves with things that aren’t there. And it’s better if we wake up from that dream before we get deeply hurt. Facts speak louder than words…

Someone said:

“ If he misses you, he’ll call just to hear your voice, if he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If he has a thought about you, it will come out of his mouth.

If you’re on his mind non stop, he’ll do anything he can just to see you. If he truly likes you, he won’t let anything get in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms.

If not, he’s not worth your time, because you’re obviously not worth his.”

Hard to digest. But love isn’t really that complicated to show to someone you really care for . When it’s mutual, you can’t hide it or control it. You know it for sure, it clicks, yes, you known it.

If we’re to lose someone, at least let’s not lose our dignity or self respect. Let’s withdraw with graciousness and pride. My 2 cents.

I wish you wisdom and discernment to help you handle this situation graciously and without much pain. Ouch! I’m aware of the pain !!! Blessings

Haha, Adam – she was definitely posher than me! But I can do accents so I can sound posher than I am.

Poem: “ Miniver Cheevy” by Edwin Arlington Robinson, Poetry Foundation org.

Sorry, don’t know how to post it directly. Not technically savvy…