Happy to win back my ex, Really thankful for this, it makes me feel better,, via_______R.bu ck ler1 1( ‘ ‘ )g ma i l…… c o m…..

The husband was a teacher of Tibetan Buddhism.

It’s so completely unethical, I do not care what anyone identifies as or the combo we’re talking about, I believe that about any person in an authoritative position, no matter the age.

A true story happened in CA (to an ex-LO’s close friend) a while ago —

A beautiful American wife asked her Tibetan husband for a divorce, because she fell in love with a handsome young man. He agreed and gave them a sincere blessing.

While asked why, he said, “what’s the fun to be with her if her mind is not with me?” and something like, my joy/happiness is to see/know her being happy…

The wife had a son with her lover but the relationship ended 10 years later. She went back to her ex-husband and asked whether she could come back with the son? He said, “Of course….” So he took them in, raised the son together “happily ever after”….

I think (at least from my viewpoint) that the female professor starting an affair with a male student, is problematic because it would never fly if the genders were reversed and I will go so far as to say it would be a perfect example of a “me-too” situation where the male professor could easily lose his job. Now I know things have changed very quickly over the last ten years and what was once considered no big deal (professors and students having affairs) has now become a career ball-busting situation (if you are the male professor) and what’s good for the goose really ought to be good for the gander or vice versa. Females using their power over males in a work situation isn’t ok. And yeah, this situation didn’t seem like there was an abuse of power, but we never know the whole story. And while I have nothing against older women coupling with younger men, there is a double standard going on here as in OK for female professors but not ok for male ones. Touché!

so there is an element of rationalization and Sorry, I don’t mean to point a finger in your direction specifically, but I hunk that rationalization is the problem. The fact that you and probably many others see no problem with this situation but most likely would with the reverse genders. And, not to get to personal

Grossly unethical and a double standard with a big elephant in the room.

I do agree, that I think limerence can easily be used as an excuse for behavior. It’s the physiological equivalent to “I was drunk” as an excuse, which as a drinker I hate to hear.

At some point in limerence we either have to decide to act on it or not, and sow what we reap. The fact that in addition to what she did to her family, I think she manipulated her LO. I think that he was easily yielded to her because of her power of authority. I can remember having crushes on teachers when I went to school and the whole amount of “overwhelm” I would have had if a teacher manipulated me in the way that she did him instead of taking the high road. Ugh this woman.

I got kind of a chuckle when I read again my post you responded to because I remember how angry I was when I made that post 🙂

Adam, you’re not in the minority on this. I also think it was lust and she acted impulsively. As to her first marriage, some people marry for convenience, fear of being alone, money, fame etc. Her case doesn’t represent the majority of the society. In certain societies she would be repudiated and him perceived as…you know what. We cannot play at been blind. This is not limerence, not even normal, living all together! What about the children? I think people are using the term of limerence to cover up for their misbehavior.
My Teo cents opinion.

My LO once stated that he wished we could “merge” our families. I understood completely, and also knew given our society, and the nature of our spouses, that it was never going to happen the way he envisioned that. It caused me to think of the rigidity of the “script” we are expected to follow when married with families and how there is room to love more than one parent, or more than one child or friend, but a lot of judgment around loving more than one person romantically, or having those feelings shift away from your partner and transition into something that is still love, but no longer romantic.

Divorce is presented as cutting that person off entirely, a situation where you have to reach a point of intense opposition, or have a solid enough reason for wanting to leave.

I think everyone did the best they could to accommodate each other here, and I found that admirable and rare, however, as I initially stated, the people involved are all privileged enough to pull it off.

Allie1,

I really like Solomon’s work. A lot it is directed at clinicians so I didn’t understand a lot of it and it didn’t relate. But, what did relate was very helpful. You used to be able to find a lot of it free on the internet but it’s gone now.

When I was working through things with the EAP counselor, I showed her some of it.

Aftrer reading it, the EAP counselor said it was “old school” and said that there was now more advanced/refined material out there.

I told the EAP counselor that Solomon’s stuff worked for me. She said then we’d use it.