Thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar experience. I’ve had these fantasy connections / limerent episodes since grade school. But my first LE for someone lasted over 15 years. After I went NC, I was still limerent for them and keeping tabs on them. What got me over it was telling a therapist, who sat there intently listening to my story. And then I became limerent for THE THERAPIST of all things. It killed LO1, but dropped me right into LO2.

Correction on my last post
Pic was from Xmas 2021

I just wanted to jump back in here with a very valuable lesson that I learned yesterday.
I have been NC for over 4 months now and was doing quite well. I was actually having more good days than bad, although not out of the woods yet.

Yesterday through no fault of my own, I saw a pic of my LO from last Xmas. Wow!
When I met him last fall he was the epitome of fitness. Muscular and very put together.

Well, in this pic he was obese, unkempt and quite unhappy looking.
(please, I mean no disrespect to anyone struggling with their weight)
I was shocked! and boom! it knocked him off the pedestal I had him on. I suddenly realized he’s not the demi-god I though he was. He is just a mere mortal like everyone else.
I actually felt relief, for the first time since NC.

WELL, fast forward to today. I feel like I’m back to square one. Longing, depressed and anxious. Just from that one glimpse! Uggg…

I will, however, move forward like I always do.

So, please, please, please everyone in a LE right now…NC! NC! NC!
Not a peak of anything related to your LO.

Take it from me, save yourself the pain and a backward spiral.
Lesson learned.

Thanks, Jayz, for an interesting and encouraging perspective.

Thanks Frederico. As this was not my first bout of limerence, the previous ones all ended in a similar fashion. Eventually it dissipates and you can move on. Perhaps like any addiction, there will be set backs of course. Trust me, I’ve been there!

Two observations that might be of help. Firstly, you are doing the right thing by showing respect for the SO in this situation. That is admirable. Secondly, if you suspect sending cards may set you back in the slightest, I’d think it’s better to let it be. This is hard no doubt, but likely for the best.

Am not sure whether it’s NC that does the trick or that the act of agreeing to meet and seeing first hand how her life is 180 degrees different to mine – there’s a decent age gap – made me see things differently at long last. We care about each other but that’s where it ends.

Yes, I have to ask myself honestly why I would send the card. I do have a deep connection, and sent a card and a lovely present to the daughter last year, but things have changed. It would indeed just be an attempt to maintain the connection. It is time to stop and I will not send any more cards.

“Nothing good can come from that”

I will read the link. Thank you.

Thank you, Lovisa, for your helpful and insightful advice which is appreciated.

Yes, the deletion of the WhatsApp feed was hard, because of all LO’s affectionate messages, but I am glad I did it.

Your final paragraph is spot on too. I have a lovely brother and we speak every week.

I will not send the card!

It’s a way to attempt to maintain the connection. If your SO isn’t interested in maintaining the acquaintance, why should you be?

In my personal experience, one of the ways an acquaintance or relationship ends is that you decay into the birthday/Xmas card phase of contact until one year one of you stops. It sounds like you’re there.

At first, it was a conscious decision but over time it wasn’t. Eventually, you might blow right past the dates. I’m a mixed bag on that issue. I remember LO #2’s & LO #4’s birth dates but not LO #1 or LO #3 [Geminis]. If there’s something significant happening on a birthday where the date is in front of me, it usually comes up. Other years, it doesn’t.

When it does come up sometimes I think of doing something. But, it’s the “toss the grenade in the pond and see what floats” streak in me. The rational me knows “Nothing good can come from that” [a useful mantra] so I give an impish grin and move on.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/freedom-from-limerence-is/

frederico, do I understand correctly that you deleted the WhatsApp? That is big news! Good job.

I don’t know if you should send the cards. I suspect it will set you back. I know you prefer to navigate your limerence using Dr L’s recommendations. Since NC is important, I think it’s best if you remain NC.

Your awareness about the hormone injections affecting your mood is helpful. It makes sense that you want contact with your LO because he was a source of support during difficult times. But it’s best for your recovery if you seek that support from another person. Who else can you reach out to? Siblings? Friends? Other neighbors?

Good luck!