He brought me to visit his new HS school [true in reality] for a visit. After giving a demo lessons, he looked glorified, excitedly chatting with random kids who asked him questions.

I felt very out of place; teachers and kids there were wondering who I was and LO certainly did not specify my identity. We followed the kids for their daily activities and wandered around in the campus.

While inside a classroom building with its many narrow, turning stairs (like in an old church tower), I felt restricted and a bit suffocating. I told LO that this catholic school seemed too restricted with many tough rules, but LO’s face continued beaming…

Then, he said with a cold face, “If you don’t like it, you can go home now. I want to stay”. I said, “I can’t drive, how could I get home?” …. Then he walked away leaving me standing alone outside a small school building, not knowing what to do. A couple of passing teachers and kids threw a strange/hostile look at me, making me feel painful; I felt like a criminal in the public eyes.

I felt a physical heartache that woke me up.

My perceived/imagined LO’s cold face haunted me many times in waking hours and dreams, but he never really showed me a cold face in reality. I don’t know where such horrifying imagination of a cold face come from, except possibly Narc Mom and Narc LO#3 (both showed a cold/cruel face and raised hush/yelling voice to me). So it seems that this fear of contempt, rejection, and emotional abandonment is originated by two big Narcs in my earlier life (later Narc LO#6 as well).

Sometimes I do wonder if I’m indeed paranoid (differ from pessimistic attitude of Stoicism) like Sammy pointed out once. It’s still the impact of my old cptsd wounds triggered by/through a LE, in which a Sensor LO’s (perceived) cold-n-hot behavior could easily wreck a cptsd-limerent’s heightened/frightful sensitivity (knowing it intellectually does not automatically lessens it)

Now, my Sensor LO is moving away permanently, yet I feel so heavy and sad; it’s a death sentence of an “era”! I don’t think I’m a masochist who chooses LE’s bitter-n-sweet torture. LO did not give me anything more than affection crumbs but pulled hard (might even be limerent for) my affection for him, it was my fantasy/idea/the phantom of LO that provided me some sporadic “nutrients”(without ever touching any of his fingers or uttering flirty words) that sustained this LE’s 7 years of existence. I admit that I “mysteriously” enjoyed his realistic presence when I was not in LC/NC with him.

My LO is definitely a limerent Sensor. I told him so (only used the word “Sensor”) last September without any explanation. He never responded to my comment. I never met anyone with this amount of silence or “endurance”. This Sensor LO remains enigmatic from the beginning to end.

The dream is not easing my heaviness yet…

“Also, I want you to feel safe sharing here because healing comes through community and shining a light on the situation.”

Interesting to read this comment ( one year later) as I suspect this attitude perpetuates discord. The solvable attitude would be to be vocal, straightforward and honest to the one you love, the one you hurt. It seems to compound manipulation to work out issues in a clandestine fashion with non involved non professional parties in my opinion. But my two cents may be a teardrop in the ocean.

I’m responding your message here, to which it seems to belong.

“When spotted a LO in 5 seconds, all I was able to see was that it’s a man with eyes that looked VERY familiar, God knows from where, perhaps from my previous life — I don’t believe twin flame theory!”

“In your case, it’s probably your father, from the things you’ve written so far. The married LO you spoke of a lot in the comments seems to mimic your father’s hot and cold attention/affections that he had given and not given you in your past stories.”

First, This first 5 seconds glimmering at a stranger happened in all my previous LEs, with LOs different in race and personalities, can they all resemble my father? If some of their personality traits did, how could I sense them in 5 seconds without knowing who they were at all? I might have been looking for a substitute idealized maternal figure (Mom is a helpless classic Narc), but how could I instinctually or intuitively detect it in 5 seconds in a stranger man, who did not know my existence at all at the time of incident?

Secondly, 80% of these LOs (about 10 or 11) upon the first long glance (5 seconds) all carried aura of femininity, “innocence”, sweetness, gentleness, high sensitivity, charm, soft knee for women (a couple of womanizers), etc. which are all opposite of my father: Stoic, confident, generous, charming, humor, proud, moral, macho (a bit intellectually misogynistic), he rarely cared about what others thought of him — totally opposite of a Sensor.

My father did not play hot and cold on me, based on my COO, he could not be a better father! By the Western standard, he’s not emotionally or verbally expressive; he did not bother to spend enough time listening to or talking with me, or indulging my wishes or whims… — Kids needed to be disciplined, toughened and molded under the same set of social and moral codes; all parents of OCC did the same. So Father showed his cares by firm actions, including intellectually teasing and challenging me (starting at teenage) — he must have wished me to compete with boys, not whiny or tearing with dolls and mini tea-sets,

I admit that I had unconsciously sought out an ideal parental figure in all my previous LOs, particular femininity in them; they were all opposite of and “weaker” than Dad. The latest LO is a Sensor, resembling my Narc Mom — one year less into this LE in 2018, I had a very puzzling dream in which LO and Mom stood side by side arguing with the enraged me… My unconscious was already telling me something, but I could not comprehend and thus ignored the silly dream.

I believe my glimmer has something to do with that mysterious genomic drives and my romance type.

There were my earlier posts in this blog about the current LO. Thank god, he’s not a hardcore Narc, but an insecure, harmless Sensor.

C for Cat

I see you’re questioning everything… that’s a sign of maturity. You’re looking for correct answers in order to make the right choices.

No one said life is easy. To choose a partner for life is very difficult because we’re all imperfect human beings. So we choose the best bet . Choosing is like the roulette , you bet to win, but sometimes you lose…The most important thing is that you’re loved and respected, valued for what you’re and given space to breathe. The rest you can work it out together.

Sending hugs and l❤️

Good morning MJ

Hang in there, good things come to those who wait…

My Lo married again at 63 to a wonderful woman. (3rd marriage ) In between marriages he was “single” 16 years. So it’s never too late for anyone.
But he was never afraid to approach a lady. He had his debonair…

So there’s hope for you to find a fine lady to deposit all your love .

Have faith in yourself, and hope against hope, never stop dreaming for a better future. Things will change , you’ll see. Believe it and it will come true. Blessings

I like the first one Nisor. I like a lot of it. But it breaks my heart to think LO is like that. Yet, I don’t have much else to go on.
Oh the $#!+ reality of limerence.. 😪

I like these quotes, Nisor. The problem is, how do you know if you’re in a relationship that isn’t right for you? I thought I was in the best relationship for me; that it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted but what I needed. But now I’m not sure. You can’t have everything, right? So I should let go of one of my needs because the others are being met?

Thank you Nisor, both the quotes make a lot of sense. A major part of the challenge in getting out of LE is letting go of the fantasy, and becoming more attuned to reality. Perhaps the mind believes what one wants it to believe. For me, progress is there (I think), but is slow, hopefully it will be steady.

Hi ABCD

There’s no fast way to recovery from LEs, but you can train your mind to look at it in a more realistic way, if possible.

Here’s a quote for you or any other in the same situation:

“ STOP IGNORING ACTIONS AND TRUSTING WORDS. Stop giving your all to a person who gives you nothing. Stop hanging on to someone who has let go of you. Stop expecting change from a person who doesn’t want to be changed. Stop letting the fear of loneliness cause you to settle for less than what you deserve. Stop letting the wrong reasons keep you in a relationship that isn’t right for you . Stop breaking your own heart.” (Trenton Shelton)

“Educating the mind without educating your heart is no education at all.” Aristotle

Good luck and lots of courage and strength.

If there’s a problem like you posted your name or other information, you can contact DrL and he can delete/redact it.

But, otherwise, no. Once it’s posted, it’s there. A lot of sites don’t allow editing after a set time. It prevents gaslighting.

For a long/detailed post, I write it in MS Word and paste it in.