Oh, that is sweet. You enjoy seeing your wife display compassion for others. Thank you for sharing.

It serves me in that Im getting what I deserve. If I “forgive” myself Im just making excuses. Yes I care for LO as deeply as my wife. Yes its two different types of love. But you dont understand that and I swore to death do us part! I cant undo that. You dont back out of that. But no one told me it might be possible to wholly love two women. No one told me. And my heart is broken.

She shared with me a tragedy that happened on set with her favorite show Supernatural. Apparently someone was shot and killed on set due to a gun accidentally being loaded with live rounds. She is a very compassionate woman. I love her for that. She has a lot of heart for a lot of people. I like that about her. Few people will find that kind of compassion for someone theyll never know.

Adam, you are a good man with lots of love in his heart. You behave appropriately towards the people in your life regardless of how you feel.

You could try to be more present with your wife. Tell me something you like about her. See if you can discover something new about her.

Then why am I laying with my head in my wife’s lap while I type this while she’s sleeping and I’m thinking of LO?! Cause I’m a bad. I don’t want to be a bad person but I am. I love two women. Why?

Amen Sister! I second everything Coldwater said.

I am a critical care nurse and a recovering limerent, so I suppose you could call me Nurse Limerent. 😀

I hope that your father is doing well. Thank you for your honesty in your post.

I also thank you for posts and knowledge. I have suffered from what I thought were “extreme crushes” twice now since being married for 13 years, but finally understand that this is a brain wiring/programming/tendency that I have lived with all of my life, and not some kind of mental illness or spiritual attack.

Thank you for finally helping me “diagnose” this as limerence, and providing real-life advice that helps us recover from — and hopefully prevent more — episodes. I understand this is an informal diagnosis, but limerence can make us do very irrational things and feel very irrational feelings, and while the high is euphoric, the comedown is extremely painful. “No contact” has been my best weapon of choice when I can manage it at work.

Thanks again, and best of health to you and your family.

Adam-
Stop. Calling. Yourself. A. Selfish. Prick.

Seriously- stop. You have deep feelings for another person. You didn’t act on it. By your account you had a warm and friendly relationship- you didn’t have an emotional affair. You make an effort with your wife. You are on this site to help with accountability and for guidance.

You are just being human. Most people in marriages get crushes or just like and enjoy the company of other people at times. It’s normal- not sinful.

The main reason why I think you need to deal with these feelings is that it is really debilitating for you. I think this episode of limerence is asking for you to change or grow in some way.

But enough of the beating yourself up. It’s not useful- or even accurate based on your behavior. I would maybe consider what you gain by being so hard on yourself.

Thanks Limmy that was an interesting read. It does sound similar to what I am trying to face within myself. I have to accept I did a selfish thing. I hurt myself, my wife and maybe even LO. I can’t change that. But I can stop it from happening again if I am aware of the personalities within me. And balance them so that I can be a balanced person outwardly. Thank you for the link Limmy.

@Adam

“But I am saying to ya’ll it WILL come out someday. You can’t completely bury your emotions.”

Have you heard of Carl Jung’s work on the shadow? What you described sounds very much like it. I think Dr L covered it in an article here: https://livingwithlimerence.com/the-devil-within-us/