Last month, I grouped some articles aimed at actually trying to “Live with Limerence.” It got held up in moderation and disappeared.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/morality-limerence-and-purposeful-living/#comment-38983

https://livingwithlimerence.com/is-limerence-all-bad/

The Environment

https://livingwithlimerence.com/the-morality-of-limerence/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/infidelity-and-limerence/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/on-infidelity-moral-philosophy-and-commenting-policy/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-to-do-if-you-are-married-but-limerent-for-someone-else/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/should-limerents-feel-guilty-about-their-limerence/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-and-the-sexless-marriage/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/what-does-limerence-mean-for-a-marriage/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/the-morality-of-monogamy/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/case-study-im-unhappy-in-my-relationship/

The Dynamics

https://livingwithlimerence.com/emotional-affairs/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-does-limerence-become-an-emotional-affair/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/tipping-points-in-a-limerence-affair/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/guest-post-on-the-neuroscience-of-affair-fog/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/qa-on-limerence-affairs/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/does-limerence-cause-affairs/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/common-mistakes-that-limerents-make/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/dealing-with-conflicting-desires/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-things-have-got-physical/

Can You Pull Off Your LE/EA/PA?

https://livingwithlimerence.com/can-limerence-be-safely-harnessed/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/oversharing/

Some Particulars

https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-for-unhealthy-people/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-for-celebrities/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/case-study-limerence-for-a-therapist/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-for-a-co-worker/

https://livingwithlimerence.com/case-study-limerent-for-a-close-family-friend/

I’m sure I missed a few but here’s a link to the Archives. https://livingwithlimerence.com/blog-archive/

Cognitive dissonance leads to leakage and leakage usually leads to bad outcomes. If you’re going to go consciously go the LE/EA/PA route [not an endorsement], you need to commit to it and behave accordingly. It helps if you tilt a little toward sociopathy. Not too much, just a little.

Prior to my marriage, I was an affair partner in college. To be honest, it worked for me. However, I wasn’t the one cheating on or being cheated on and my scruples were not as developed as they are now, not that I’m sure that would have stopped me.

It’s been 9 months since she left and since she has only contacted me once. And that was about 3 months after she left. In my case I am leaving any contact to her. I don’t think she is intentionally ghosting me, I just think she has a lot of good things going on in her life that are occupying her. And I don’t want to disrupt the good she has going on right now.

The last thing I wrote to her (and her gentleman friend) were a Christmas card to them both last year. That being the last contact I made myself. But I do find it helpful to write her things too even though, like you, I never intend to send them to her.

I feel the same. It is hard to work up that motivation to be purposeful in life when you feel you have no purpose other than to suffer under limerence. But I have made some steps to purposefully bridge the gap in my marriage with my wife. They seem like some big steps that I will eventually see more results from in the future I think. So that makes me feel a little bit better.

Adam. I think your concise comment describes a typical day for many of us. I found it helpful. Yes, you certainly did alright. I hope that the limerence will gradually fade with no contact.

My latest round of NC is now seven weeks in because LO is ghosting me. The WhatsApp ticks are still grey. It hurts but it is for the best. I have written him a message explaining the hurt of being ghosted after a close friendship but I do not plan to send it to him.

Meanwhile I am personally finding the concept of “purposeful living” easier said than done.

Lol, that’s okay, Adam. We’ve all done that at least once.

Care/harm: no disclosure or discovery = no hurt for either SO=no guilt.
Loyalty/betrayal: I had no desire to end up permanently with the LO. Just wanted the physical. Logically I knew he would be a terrible partner, and thus felt ongoing loyalty to my relationship SO.
Authority/subversion = thrilling to feel subversive to the mantle of mother, wife.
Sanctity/degradation = degraded the sanctity of multiple places, some public. …and I still feel pride, not shame
Liberty/oppression = I felt freer, less-stuck than I had in a long time. Like I’d been the good girl making the careful choices my whole life and now I was enjoying breaking the rules. Reverberated to my career, my life choices, even my social media.

In short, prefrontal cortex did an amazing job of putting a framework around my amygdala. Never knew they’d be such co-conspirators.
My mind is now trying to make sense of the schism as I recover from this LO. (I think) I’m over the man, but now how does Dr. Jekyll put Ms. Hyde back in her box?

Miss Lovisa I looked up LO on facebook. Im sorry.

Understanding the biological basis of attraction has helped me NOT feel guilty about my limerence. I find it very liberating. I can just focus on doing the right thing (that I have control over) rather than waste time on things I cannot control, like biology.

Really, really insightful comments, Sammy. Thank you. Jonathan talks a lot about the “rider vs elephant” in his work — i.e., the rational brain vs the emotional brain. Goes to your point about where to lay the “blame” and the fact that humans have to balance the biology from the morality a lot. Also brings up questions of free will (see genius neuroscientist Sam Harris on that topic), which may also be worth a blog post, DrL…