I think this desire for attention stems from childhood (for me). I never felt noticed or loved or worthy enough, so I developed unhealthy ways to foster that in people. I crave attention even though outwardly I appear to be a confident, self-assured woman.

Secondly, and this is something I am just coming to realise, I know that if I had solid proof that he was limerent, if he actually started to act like he was madly in love with me and couldn’t live without me, and if I knew I was constantly on his mind like his is mine, it would lessen my own Limerence, therefore making it easier for me to turn away from him. I don’t know why this is. Something to do with the thrill of the chase I suppose, but you’d think if this was my heart’s desire, I would be overjoyed! I want to be adored by him but it would soon turn me off.

Why would anyone want to go through this torture for months, years, only to then drop LO when they turn the tables? Is it about winning? Adrenaline? A learned response? Gina’s situation sounds a lot like my first LO (who often become SO’s for me), and I was stuck in that for 4 years, 2 I was limerent for him, 1 we were happy, normal, and the last I was desperately unhappy because I was suffocating from his obsession with me.

Why is playing hard to get a turn on for you?

“I have to say that once i learned about limerence I didn’t want my LO to be limerent for me. I wanted her to be madly in love with me, sure, but not for her to have this involuntary, debilitating disorder. It’s deeply unpleasant at times and if you truly love someone you wouldn’t want to afflict something like this on them.”

@Vincent.

I have kind of reached the same conclusion. 😇

I’m impressed with your self awareness, Vincent. I couldn’t agree with you more.

Yeah if there’s one thing an LE does give you, it’s a heightened sensitivity to how words and actions have an affect on other people. Obviously initially that is us watching LO for signs they like us and over analysing everything they say or do, but it should also make you more aware of yourself and your own actions.

Having learned so much about myself such as my self esteem, attachment style, introversion etc I can see it more in others and have more sympathy towards their choices as a result. That feels like a good thing at least.

I agree it is all about power. I, too wish my LO was limerent for me. BUT it doesn’t mean I would accept to enter a relationship with my LO, I just want him to feel it to regain my power as the imbalance is too great at the moment.
I wish it was temporary as you mentioned, I am going 15 years strong on my LO, we are NC and don’t even live on the same continent, but it is the idea of what we could have been that I am obsessive about.
That power imbalance is the same reason why I would never send a message directly, I need to have some dignity at least and not give all my power away.
Something I haven’t seen explored is when all the rest in your life seems to go bad, you can remember the thrill and it is like a comforting drug, but it is when everything is going bad that the “what ifs” are the hardest.
Finally, I reached the conclusion that I could only be ok in a marital type of relationship where at least there is some form of commitment from both sides.

I’m with you, Vincent. I wouldn’t wish limerence on anyone. When my LO3 disclosed his attraction to me, I committed myself to be very responsive to all correspondence with him. I thought my exaggerated availability might eliminate the uncertainty and minimize his chances of developing limerence. I can’t say if it worked because I can’t speak for him. Time will tell. I can say that his constant availability makes this LE far more pleasant than my last LE.

He was actually very intuitive. He didn’t believe me when I said it. Said as much. I won’t go into the whole story, but the relationship was pretty screwed up. And when I broke it off with him, I’m sure he just moved his backburner girl to the front burner. I didn’t just suspect she existed. I met her. I had been one myself. It’s not as if someone telling you they love you in a situation like that means much. Again, once the limerence fog cleared, I thought : What am I doing?

I’ve been thinking more about this.

As bad as it is to tell someone that you love them and they don’t say it back, it’s worse when they say it back and you later come to realize that they really don’t and likely never did.

Then you feel hurt AND stupid.

I hope we gave Gina some things to think about.