Thanks LE. I am sure there was some bargaining on my end, but it’s funny how my LO was the one who initially bargained with me after I declared my feelings to her. She swore things wouldn’t be different — at least not for her — but they are different. She isn’t the same with me and I’m probably not quite the same with her either. Nevertheless, I’ve seen her twice in the last three weeks, so she is back in my life.

I feel like there are three parts to my feelings for my LO: (1) friendship, (2) attraction and (3) romantic interest. The attraction remains as does the friendship (although she’s come down from the pedestal I put her on to a certain extent), but the romantic interest is the part that isn’t nearly as strong. I think it’s really starting to sink in that she wouldn’t likely be a good fit for me as a romantic partner even if I was single. I am hoping things can become like they are with LO #1. I still like her and she is back in my life (in a fairly small way), but in no way am I pining away for her and I can’t ever see being limerent for her again.

Ryan, you seem to be outwardly handling this situation with your LO very well. But I can see how it is hard on your emotions.

I see that you may fill a father-type need for her due to her family structure. The way you described her family life triggered sympathy in me, I can only imagine what it is doing to you. I am trying to put myself in her shoes so I can give you a female perspective. I had a boss who played a father role in my life. So much that he used to refer to me as his only daughter because he had 5 sons. We were close. But you are correct that if I had sensed any romantic attraction from him, I would have recoiled. You say that she might know you are attracted to her and it hasn’t deterred her. Hmmm, that seems significant to me. It suggests she sees you as more of a peer.

I feel sympathy for you that she triggered your hero identity. That is definitely an irresistible part of an LE. But it helps that you have good self-awareness so you can catch yourself if you try to rescue her in any way.

I am concerned about the “tangible vibe of attraction” between you two in the office. Are others noticing or commenting about your relationship with her? Please be cautious.

It makes sense that you are looking for answers. But does it really matter if she is romantically attracted to you? Your thoughts and your behavior is what matters.

Remember that this LE will pass and you will want to be proud of how you handled it.

I like it!

I was the Poet Laureate of LwL but that was only because I was the only one writing any: https://livingwithlimerence.com/limerence-music/#comment-1538

We can add best original story, poem or song to the LwL Awards category.

Thanks for your thoughts, Lovisa.

I have thought often that her level of affection may be more of a father figure type or male role model type. Her own father is not alive anymore, she has a strained relationship with her husband, and she has no other family on her side in the area. I am definitely a provider for her, and she knows I value her and appreciate her as a professional woman (as with my other female employees) and as a person. There is something going on between us that has moved beyond normal boss/employee relationship with the vibe of our interactions and at this point I think she knows I’m attracted to her. Her attraction to me may not be romantic, but she has a strong comfort level around me and a greater affection for me than what seems normal. That line between father figure and romantic interest could probably be quite blurry and if she knows I am attracted to her it is certainly not creeping her out. The hero identity in me with her is very strong. It is talked about quite often here on LWL as being a catalyst of an LE. I certainly feel it with her and my LE. In the office there is a tangible vibe of attraction between us. Looks, smiles, glances, strong eye contact on her part, etc. Out of office over text it has been very guarded on her part, which is why these last couple weeks have been surprising with her frequency of initiating texting with me and her letting loose more.

As for my role as her boss, I have been very careful to not cross an overtly flirty line. We don’t have any physical touching and we don’t discuss highly personal things. I would categorize all our conversations as friendly chit chat and when we do get more serious in conversation it is usually about raising kids.

If she is making more overtures towards me I need to proceed with very much caution. Trying to make sense of it all.

Ryan, that is kind of ironic because a month ago you were disappointed that she didn’t initiate contact outside of the office. It sounds like this new frequency of personal contact is triggering excitement and confusion in you which makes sense. You have my sympathy.

I tried to ponder what would motivate me to behave the way you describe her behavior. The best I could think is that she enjoys communicating with you and she trusts that you like it, too. It doesn’t necessarily mean she feels romantic attraction for you. She could genuinely see you as a potential friend. Maybe you make her laugh and she wants to reciprocate. And, I’m sorry to point this out, she could see you as a father- figure and she could be oblivious to your romantic interest in her. But, of course I can’t actually tell you what she thinks.

I noticed that other LwL commenters recommended caution on your part because you are her boss. I think that is sound advice.

Best of luck! Hang in there.

My LO has taken an interesting turn over last 2 weeks. She has ramped up her texting of thoughts, pics, videos, etc now to about every other day and the last time started to get more into back and forth conversation with me. All of it her initiation. We have had some very good in office interactions lately and all this new texting comes in the midst of that and my pulling back of initiating texts with her. We are certainly in some kind of dance right now. Can’t lie, the attention feels great, but at the same time I know nothing good is going to come of it. Ughhh!

Ryan,

You have a point that it seems like immature behavior and most people wouldn’t do it. It makes sense that you are trying to figure out why she did it.

@ Lovisa

For certain it could just be that. But if so then my view is that a 35 year old woman sending her older boss a text of a cute dog video on a Saturday night is pretty immature. There is no back context for us and dogs so it’s quite random. My other 3 female employees would never do this.

Ryan,

It’s possible that she thought you would enjoy the video and that’s all. Maybe it made her smile and she thought it would make you smile.

Hi, VL,

“I’m finally getting over this and I didn’t have to go no contact to do it!”

A little bargaining going on, maybe?

https://livingwithlimerence.com/im-totally-over-this-lets-go-for-coffee/

This is a form of brinksmanship. If it works, it works.

This kind of thing can change on a dime and spin out of control. Dirty little secret: As limerents, we often harbor some secret hope that it does. It adds just the right amount of edge to things. If you can hang there, it’s like a hit of nitrous oxide. But, if something changes, it’s “Oh, s–t!”

https://livingwithlimerence.com/can-limerence-be-safely-harnessed/

Good luck!