Richard, even psychiatrists decline to diagnose people without meeting them. Please don’t confuse people by flinging around terms that you don’t understand.

Yes, quite early into this. Just went NC a month ago. But I am also dealing with shame, guilt and regret for having a EA with this person that I kept from my SO. I am, however, grateful that I did not meet my LO in person. (we lived 1000 miles apart) Because I was so caught up with him that I probably would of left my family, only to be probably dumped a couple of weeks later. (pretty sure he was a narcissist, or at the very least a Hopeless Romantic)
NOW! if I could only get that thought this thick skull of mine!
Thank You for your feedback, much appreciated!
So glad I found this site and all you great people.
-Anna

Anna, if you are only one month in, that is the most intoxicating part. Just be warned the next part is (usually – I hope not for you) usually quite wrenching. Stay strong! Know that you are not alone. This limerence thing needs to run its course, but what meaning you make out of it is entirely up to you.

It’s crazy, isn’t it?
I’m only into month one of my LO infatuation.
Basically I’m like a flopping fish right now, sometimes I can see the light, sometimes I’m bogged down again.
I’m still reeling from this! My Gosh, I have NEVER been through something like this before.
I DO see though that I have too do the work myself.
Good Luck to you and thanks for the response.

“I realized it was ME that needed to change things in MY LIFE! Something was obviously MISSING for me to do something like that!”

This is a crucial insight.

I have gained SUCH a lot from this realization.

It has made me examine just about every nook and crevice of my life: my relationship with SO, my relationship with my children, my lifelong issues with my FOO, my attitudes towards friendships, love, romance, sexuality, finances, morality, spirituality, humanity … and SO MUCH self-reflection. My hang-ups, things that have been blocking me in life, my fears and insecurities, even coming to terms with getting older. I am going through such an explosion of self-discovery (and no end in sight), I feel like I’ve been asleep for the last decade and am catching up with a vengance! I’m really feeling like I’m gaining a lot of personal power from this.

I wish there had been an easier way. The torture during full-blown LE was unpleasant to the extreme, and I’m not out of the rabbit hole yet. But overall, this has been such a gain to my life, and my family and friends have benefitted so much, and I like myself more than ever. I am even coming to terms with limerence, in the sense that I am not trying to justify it (I’m in the no-acting-on-limerence camp) but I am trying to not be shamed by it. I think that is so much part of the trap and mire that keeps us bogged down. If we can acknowledge it, and accept it as part of our journey, and deal with it with compassion, dignity and kindness to everyone involved, I think yes, limerence can be a force for good changes.

I know this thread is a bit old but I felt the need to comment anyway.
This is my first (and hopefully last) experience with Limerence!
Boy, It sure is challenging!

Mine happened by way of “The Perfect Storm”
I was contacted by a random guy on FB. Now, I was feeling pretty low at the time, so although this person was looking for romance, I just got caught up in the excitement of it all!
Oh, boy it felt so good to hear “your beautiful”, “we must be soul mates”, “it was meant to be” etc.! Now I’m pretty sure this guy was a player, troll or possibly a narcissist (maybe all 3) but I just gobbled it all up and couldn’t wait for more.
This went on for a couple of months (I even gave him my phone #)
But eventually he ended it because he was not going to get what he wanted after all.
Phewww…Then of course I fell down the proverbial rabbit hole, worse off than I was before. So, yeah I put this random guy up high on a pedestal to say the least!
I couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me?
He was on my mind 24/7 Couldn’t eat, sleep, function normally.

But then, like an intervention of sorts, I realized it was ME that needed to change things in MY LIFE! Something was obviously MISSING for me to do something like that!

So, Thank You Laura!
I’m not the only one that thinks maybe this happened for a reason!
I still have a long way too go, I acknowledge that.
But somedays I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I agree with Marcia. I also think it a depends on how the limerent is handling the LE. In Nov of 2021, my husband met his LO which quickly catapulted into full blown limerence. We have been married 22 years, together 25. I was pretty sure I knew him, but, when I questioned the “friendship” he downplayed it for months. Finally in Feb , I get the whole, “I don’t think I want to be married anymore,” and along with that, an entire laundry list of complaints about me as a partner. Nothing really insurmountable. Yet, my husband kept a mental list of all the things that bothered him, he rewrote history, vilified me, etc. I took all of that to heart, feeling like an absolute monster. Once I confronted him about the affair, with proof, he had nowhere to go, but to confess. Now, had he not disclosed, eventually he would have been caught, but, I was so glad to find out he was just in limerence. I wasn’t a monster, he’s just a cheating husband. This was his first LE. My LE presented different. I didn’t vilify him. I didn’t want to lose the marriage. I wanted to keep my friendship (EA) under wraps because it was an escape from my purposeless life. So, I do allow my husband some grace, as pissed off as I have been with him. I know what it is like, I also know how it can damn near break you. But, I made it way to the other side. I feel nothing for my old LO. Even old songs or the scent of his cologne do not conjure up wonderful memories of being blissed out on dopamine. I get sick to my stomach remembering how much I risked. How much control I lost.
My husband won’t even let me talk about limerence. Because as you all know, this is the real deal. He is in love with her and she is in love with him…Lol! Soul Mates right?! I only make light of it, because I know that just like depression, limerence lies to the limerent. I wish I could help him, but, he won’t allow it. So, I am busy taking care of our kids while he gets through this. He does not want to stop ruminating and hoping to win her back, so, I may be in for the long haul, should I decide to stand for my marriage, though I am not sure. We just separated yesterday, and I have our divorce documents ready to go, if I feel this is too damaging to me or our kids. His LO wants nothing to do with him. The limerence was mutual, but, he lied to her so much. When I disclosed, the real nature of our marriage in crisis, she apologized and ended things with him. Still, I don’t wish this on anyone. And I am one of the “stronger” standing spouses, lol. I do wish there was a vaccine for limerence if you wanted it. It’s a fascinating phenomenon to study, but hell to endure.

Laura, this large gap between all that you would want from a single person and the complete loss of interest within a short time span screams ‘borderline’ to me. In case it never crossed your mind, it could be helpful in your search for understanding.

Laura, what you describe fits into Jung’s view of the shadow or disowned selves – basically, your LOs are like a mirror held up to you to show you what YOUR life is missing.

Thanks Laura, that helps a lot.

Best of luck with your journey!