Same here = “nuts”/ limerent during first part of the female cycle, then indifferent, realistic and “over LO”in the second part.
But then the limerence starts again and again and…. and I’m in limerence (with the same LO) for years now….

Same here !
Female 40+

Best wishes to you!

I have been limerent for a neighbour for some three years, however, and this painful infatuation has not dimmed despite two months of no contact.

There is a stage during peri-menopause when, as the body struggles to ovulate, it produces higher levels of ovulation triggering hormones (oestrogen, progesterone, can’t recall which) to make it happen. Many women report increased libido at various points during peri-menopause and this is one of the causes.

Thank you for writing this article, Dr. L. I have always wanted to understand what makes me tick as a biological male, and testosterone is (an evidently very confusing and complicated) part of the story!! I have never really been aggressive. I’m more artistic by temperament. Never really liked sport or shows of physical strength. However, I have always been super-competitive, and I guess competitiveness could rightly be viewed as a sublimated form of aggression?

I am interested in how my hormones may have shaped my lifelong experience of limerence. I seem to have developed limerent feelings for the first time at 13, right on schedule, just after going through a relatively early puberty (compared to my male peers, who didn’t really catch up with me until they were around 15-16).

Throughout my teens, my limerent attractions seem to fluctuate in terms of choice of object. Sometimes, I thought I wanted a female mate. Sometimes, I thought I wanted a male mate. In my late teens, my brain become increasingly stuck on other males – the worst-case scenario pretty much for any lovesick teenaged boy, because the odds of reciprocation were so abysmally low!! 😉

By the time I reached late adolescence, of course, pretty much all the young men in my social circle were actively seeking girlfriends. Basically, I found myself locked out of the conventional world of dating and marriage, due to my … ahem … “unconventional tastes” … and intensely lonely as a result).

I am now on the cusp on 40, and my limerent feelings are at the lowest levels they’ve been in my entire adult life since they started. I actually feel I’m physically (as well as psychologically) “aging out of the mating game forever”, and I wonder if dropping testosterone levels have had a hand in that?

Put another way, I feel like I’ve “lost my competitive edge” in the romance arena. I don’t want to play ball if there’s no chance of winning. I’m competitive, not delusional. On the bright side, I no longer suffer terrible self-consciousness around gorgeous male peers. Pair-bonding no longer feels like a super-high-priority activity to me. I guess I’ve lived four decades without forming a pair-bond, and managed to survive. Singleness is not the end of the world. 🤔😆

I am quite happy to have a “dad bod” now, and the same apparently “depressed” levels of male hormones as men in committed relationships. I am unfortunately way less competitive than I used to be in work. However, my less-competitive mindset allows me to adopt a more nurturing attitude to people who are younger than me. I.e. I almost feel like “it’s someone else’s turn to shine now”.

So, um, dropping testosterone levels = mixed blessing for the spiritually-minded? 😛