I believe there are different types of limerence obsessions :
1
“the celebrity limerent obsession”
the most pure form.
a limerent obsession for somebody you don’t know or for somebody you have a very limited /uncertain access to in reality . an interaction so quick and inconsistent that can be similar to the one with a “celebrity” .
2
“the friend limerent obsession ”
a limerent obsession for somebody you truly know and met regularly in a way or another but you never had an open romantic/erotic/sexual involvement with.
3
“the not requited love situationship limerent obsession ”
a limerent obsession with someone you had a quick REAL sentimental/erotic/sexual relationship that didn’t take off and still lingers on occasionally/rarely for sexual on convenient purposes of LO, etc….

different types of limerence .. different types of solutions:

for the type 1 the solution is to GET CLOSER in reality (if you can and respectfully) so you understand the person you love in your dreams…is just an ideal and doesn’t really match with the real character of the real person.

for type 3 :
absolutely EXTREME NO CONTACT.

etc…

😉

Thanks for the advice, yes it is hard, isn’t it, and there is no easy formula that can work. In my case, I do not interact with her frequently. It is so much more difficult in case of daily interactions. Giving each other the “cold shoulder”, wow, that sounds very familiar. When the LO thoughts strike, thinking about something else that you like or something work related will help. Wish you all the best.

ABCD – I don’t have any easy solution. We do our best to make any interactions work related only. Go through periods where we give each other the “cold shoulder” which in itself is hard. When I get the urge to look at her, have small talk etc. I try and force myself to focus on something else. But always in my mind is a strong urge to be able to just talk about our lives. When we allow ourselves to have some non-work chats it just feels so good… and then I will start to get fantasy thoughts going in my head for a while. So just be strong and when LO pops up I just force logical thought…

Hi Another Limerant. Yes, totally agree with you. LEs where you see your LO on a regular basis, whether at work, or in common circles, are the toughest, as NC seems to be the only best option to get over the experience. I am in a similar situation. I am just curious, how do you deal with LO interactions at work? Thanks.

From my experience no. In the workplace is probably the worst situation. My LO works directly for me, I see her every day. Small company. Long back story but in a nut shell marital issues, started slow, texting, flirting over years, finally got physical and someone found out (outside work) and blew up. Nobody at work knows. Now divorced. We still work together but it is difficult (pretty sure mutual LE) as she is trying to retain her other relationship so “work only”, but my brain still reads into every look, interprets any friendly comment, etc. I see “flaws” but they don’t matter, she is human. She is one of my best employees, likes and needs the job. Obviously I cannot fire her and me leaving is not easy so we are stuck in this situation. It has been two years since everything crashed down on me. I learned about Limerance afterwards when trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me and just that knowledge has helped, but my Limerance has not gone away – I keep hoping it will fade. I have dated a few others, some that “check” the right boxes but I have no romantic development at all. Interesting as I ponder why, I “need” someone that gives me that romantic high and in Limerance the only option is the LO, anything else is just settling and not worth it. This is a tough addiction. NC is the only way I see moving on even if it means disrupting one’s life again.

Spending more time with the LO vs no contact? hmm…I don’t think so. Drug addicts want more of a drug not less…”One shot is too many and a million is never enough” At least until you’re dead.

“I’ve read the best way to prevent limerence from occurring is to overfeed it i.e. to get to know the person too well. However, I reckon this “getting to know the person too well” needs to happen before crystallisation occurs. In other words, one must get to know LO when they’re only a glimmer and then shut down the glimmer through over-exposure. The corrective dose of reality has to come at the glimmer stage – before it’s too late, and mad fantasising takes over. Might extreme familiarity inhibit fantasy?”

@Sammy

Sammy is right that such an exposure needs to occur before limerence slip in; but how many of us even heard of limerence? So in post-crystallization, everything is a kind of too late.

It does not matter at which stage, familiarity inhibits fantasy, and only exposure to the reality of LO could kill fantasy and thus limerence.

When back in March, I saw that the realistic LO has 99%-100% killed the Phantom (of him) created by me, I attempted a closure in April, unbearable to see LO’s behaviors continuing “damaging” my idealized Phantom. LO protested that I did not even know him (why so much upsetting “attachment and then a sudden dismissal?); I replied, (without any knowledge of LE) “don’t you see it’s better if I knew you less, so my imagination could work?” 🤓

Of course, none of us understood what was going on with my crazy limerence brain! 🙃. I was just deeply mystified as him by my own words, 100% fits Tunnov’s definition of limerence.

Now, I know why! ☺️

@Limerent Emeritus,

It seems that the both ways worked for me. When I was in realistic mode, the latter worked. But in my imagination mode, the former also worked, particularly when nothing in reality could oppose and refute my fantasies.

And you’re right that since I limerent for the Phantom of LO — like a character in a novel, not the realistic LO, it would not die. Nowadays Standing in front of the realistic LO, I could not believe that he is the Limerent Object in my head for the past 6 years. So I am dealing with him as a real person, not LO anymore.

My fantasy created a Phantom to be in limerence with… isn’t it crazy! I don’t understand why I’m so complex, having so many faces.🧐.

My next post would sound perhaps “crazier”…

Snow,

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Out of sight, out of mind”

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who could go either way. They drop on one side or the other.

From what I’ve observed, and it’s only an observation, there are more of the latter than there are of the former.

If you’re one of former, disengaging from anyone that you’ve attached to will be that much harder.

If you’re a limerent, it’s even worse.

With my own case, I strongly support this point — No/little contact can fuel the fantasy.

What I limerent in my head for was not realistic LO himself, but the Phantom of LO, due to the limited superficial contact in reality. If LO was utterly unavailable, then the Phantom of LO was as available as my fantasy could reach in all fronts; the less the realistic knowledge of LO, the more ideal of the Phantom of LO, particularly when PA was not a conscious aim.

A lot of cases here are two sides in a long distance or have gone little/NC, which seems to fan ample fantasy through pure, vivid imaginations or limited words via social media. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why their limerence is dying so hard?