I’ll admit to the fact that if the situation were different, we were both available to each other, then I would have definitely tried to steer the relationship in a different direction.

But as it was that was not possible. I also consider that the boundaries that were within our relationship were also due to office rules and regulations. I wanted to remain professional and within company policy. A lot of those polices did coincide with how a married man should interact with a female co-worker as well. So I guess it is just a matter of how honest I want to be with myself in hindsight.

“He was first attracted to her because she had sex appeal but as he got to know her more and more—she became beautiful. Controlling his feelings will become that much more difficult. And when he is vulnerable, he’s no longer in control.” – https://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-lai/2015/12/can-a-man-and-a-woman-really-have-a-platonic-relationship/

For me it was, “The truth is, they may never do anything physical in life. They may never cross the line. But a relationship can never be truly platonic if you have to set up boundaries. A relationship can never be truly platonic if you have to adjust your feelings. A relationship can never truly be platonic if you have to pretend that you are happy with the way things really are…when deep down—you want something more.”

In her goodbye, LO #4 said I couldn’t keep our acquaintance platonic. I’d disclosed to her months earlier. I quoted most of the above in my response to her goodbye and said that for me, once she began to open up and share with me, it wasn’t platonic for me.

Furthermore, all my LOs have been fairly different physically, I don’t have a “type”. And once I move on to a new LO, the previous beauty I found so undeniable becomes average again.

I knew my current LO for 3 years prior to her becoming LO. During that time she was attractive to me in an objective manner without any real desire for her. Now, when I look at my current LO in the eyes and she smiles at me, I cannot imagine a more beautiful creature on God’s green earth and every other woman fades away in my mind.

Seeing you comment make me think for a minute. I actually had more sexual thoughts of this woman before I ever became limerent with her, over a year into knowing her. Yet when she became LO I never had a sexual thought of her. I spent more time in her eyes interacting with her than her body.

On the other side of the coin, when not limerant she is very attractive woman. Caught my eye and held it the first time I met her in person. And she held that glance with me as we talked. When I walked away I was like “wow she is hot!” But after limerence she was an angel. When I dwelled on her I would think of the beauty of her as a woman not so much just her outward appearance. In fact I applied a sweet innocence to her that made me feel guilty to think of her physically. There was only one instance post-limerence that her physical appearance roused any sexual thoughts to the point I left the room with this terrible guilt for looking at LO as a woman with the thoughts of a man.

It’s strange now that I think about. Maybe the more I got to know her more than superficially the more she became more than a pretty woman with an amazing body. Definitely out of my league.

Maybe I can be grateful to only encounter potential LOs very seldomly, but it reduces the chance of ever having an LE consumed. They are amazing muses and have a very positive influence on my creativity. I know I shouldn’t, but I guess I’ll soon find another one after having received a clear „no + NC” from my previous LO.

„To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to recreate life out of life. A wild angel appeared to him, the angel of mortal youth and beauty, an envoy from the fair courts of life, to throw open before him in an instant of ecstasy the gates of all the ways of error and glory.” – beautifully phrased by James Joyce

> Interestingly for my more intense LE’s thoughts of sex rarely come into it, it’s all about having a loving relationship with a LO who I think is out of my league looks wise.

Yep. It’s different when asleep, though.

> always appreciated “beauty” for example, say out of 200 women I see on a routine basis each day at school/work I would identify just 3-4 as really attractive or beautiful.

1 out of 50? You’re lucky, for me it’s rather 1 out of 1000. I realized that it’s mainly the face. If her face is close enough to my archetype of beauty, I’ll get the glimmer. If I notice some obvious flaws or incompatibilities, it wanes off quickly – but if I get to know her character and like her, the limerence train gets rolling.

> I wish I could not be so bothered by looks, I really do.

„Beauty is a form of Genius–is higher, indeed, than Genius, as it needs no explanation. It is one of the great facts of the world, like sunlight, or springtime, or the reflection in the dark waters of that silver shell we call the moon.” – I agree with Oscar Wilde. There is no shame in being deeply moved by beauty.

> I was very inexperienced and shy – a late bloomer some may say and pretty much my first serious relationship has been my only one.

Yup, that hits home, too. The more I learn about limerence and the more I read about the young James Joyce or Goethe, the more I think that limerence is a necessary experience in the life of many artistic, INFJ-ish people.

I’m a bit embarrassed by this but I really loved standing by a window in our university in 5th store and watch my LO walk from a distance (from the bus station) towards the library. I would even film him to watch it later to get rushes. Like a real stalker! I did it just a few times though. I did erase everything when I started to get free of my addiction which of course by zero contact cold turkey, its been a few years now and I’m so happy I’m free of this addiction! It really did mess up my mental health real bad during (2 years) and the aftermath, around 2-3 years!

I don’t ever wanna get addicted like this ever again!

I had to do stage makeup on my LO, a spitting image of young Marlon Brando. I even adjusted and enhanced his looks while running romantic Shakespeare lines with him. What a recipe for limerent disaster. No one else seems beautiful to me now. It’s a terrible burden.