Oh I so look forward to seeing this – it feels so wild to grieve so much for someone when you are already in a relationship.
I look forward to seeing it Fenna!

The topic of disenfranchised grief needs more discussion, not less.

I hadn’t heard of it until DrL talked about it in one of his blogs.

If you’re prone to guilt, grieving over the loss of something you probably shouldn’t have been doing in the first place only makes it worse. Giving yourself a pass can seem wrong but the grief is still real.

Looking forward to it.

R to r, I’m doing a video on the topic, grieving the other while in a relationship. To give support to the limerent
I wonder how much hate mail I will get lol

“I also found that cold water therapy (cold showers and ocean swimming) helped me come out of the anxiety and depression.”

That does make sense, since pleasure will also raise the pain levels in the brain, ( thats why limerence first feels great untill it doesnt, that goes for any addiction) so will pain also raise the pleasure ( aka dopamine) levels. Since the brain always wants to come in balance.
I`ve given up on the controlling my mind, its too much work with too little results, I just take good care of myself and practice Sc .
Thank you road to R! can’t wait to see you on YT!

I think the above makes me feel so much better as this is where I feel I sit too – for me it felt more like I was trying to solve a problem mentally over and over again that got me in such a pickle.
Having feelings for someone of the same gender (never has happened to me before), being already in a straight married relationship was probably what tipped me over and started all the questioning of who I am as a person. Something I wasn’t all that keen on trying to figure out in my early 40’s as thought I knew exactly who I was!

Self compassion, telling myself their is no shame in connections as long as we can act with our values in mind. I think having my children kept me disciplined with NC but does not mean to say that I didn’t not go off in la la limerence land and experience the worst pain I’ve ever endured. It really did hurt to say goodbye knowing I could never reach back out. I’m proud for catching myself to go NC but I found it really difficult to switch the mind off.

Spiritual and self awareness books really helped me as well as telling my husband and looking at new ways of us connecting, having a laugh together and looking at little things I really enjoy doing – these all took me to another place during those dark days and made me feel not so sad and lonely.

I now think of that person with fondness but without the super charged emotional attachment – just an experience from my past.

I think the best thing anyone can do is work hard on themselves – dig deep, spend time in solitude, cry, sleep, get out in nature, nourish your body with good food, creature comforts. I also found that cold water therapy (cold showers and ocean swimming) helped me come out of the anxiety and depression.

I look forward to watching these videos Fenna 😍

Thanks, DrL!

It really is cool to see what this place can do for people and where they go with it.

Fenna,

“Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” – Adm David Farragut

Don’t know what you mean. Looks fine to me 😉

No problem LE
Maybe Dr L can make it Lia or Sia or Kia 😄

Probably, right.

He can edit comments so maybe DrL can just tweak it a little.

Sorry.