Rufio…so great to hear it all got to end on an up note. I think that’s huge for preserving a great memory of her and it sounds like it helped your state of mind quite a bit.

Check back in in a couple weeks. I want to hear how the limerent feelings are. I want to know in real time how LO being out of your life changes the limerence. I have daydreamed of this thing happening to me and right now I am in a phase where I wish LO was out of my life. Been a rougher 2 weeks for me.

Best of luck, I hope recovery moves in a steady positive direction. Stay strong.

Hi guys, as some of you know my co-worker LO’s last day was the 17th and at the time it was a lack luster departure from the office. Myself and one other friend had mentioned we would gladly help her load her uhaul as she was basically alone before moving 4 hours away in the middle of the week. Well, she texted Tuesday and after work we went over.

It was just her and two very old relatives. We helped her load her furniture etc and had a nice time laughing and joking. She was so thankful much less closed off than her last day at work. When it was time for everyone to leave and for her to drive away she gave us hugs and started crying. I was last and she looked up at me with tears in her eyes as I told her I would be thinking about her on her wedding day.

Later we exchanged very sweet text messages thanking each other for being friends and saying how much we would be missed. I got incredibly sad again that night but in a different way. I think I understand her better now. I understand why we could never be as close as I wanted. It just doesn’t jive with her traditional views and how she hasn’t even lived with her fiancé yet. She cared about me in her own way. I loved her in mine.

As far as work goes it was a bit depressing day one but the Tuesday surprise and sweet ending helped a lot. I feel really good and have no problems without her at work now(besides an occasional reminder). I still think of her daily but not in a way of longing so much as “I hope she is ok”. Who knows if I’ll ever see her again but in some sense it has been a sigh of relief mixed with wishing we had been better friends sooner.

Perhaps she unfollowed you because she finally realized it would be the right thing to do? Or maybe she is just trying to help you? Not knowing is what kills us. The lack of finality. I’m trying to loosen my grip on the feeling of “needing to know”. I know you are right and time will make this all go away. I’ve lost friends and loved ones in my life way to early so I know all about real pain and while this is it’s own flavor it isn’t on the same level. I recovered from those and kept living, it will be the same here.

Follow up thought…

LO also did something a bit curious this week in it’s timing but not surprising in what she did. I think it affected me a little as well.

Middle of last year in the height of my LE, I muted LO on IG. I don’t want reminders of her. I finally in the Fall stopped following her on IG. I also think she knew because in the past she would IM me things on IG from time to time. After I stopped following her she could no longer IM but then still would send me IG links thru text.

She never stopped following me and would continue to view my stories, up until this last week. Then this week she finally stopped following me. Nothing of significance happened between us this week though there was a day she seemed more mellow towards me than normal. I remember thinking that day was a bit out of character for her. It’s just odd…why did she hang on this long if she knew I stopped following her months ago?

My limerent brain wants to think she took a page from my playbook, and is struggling with me now. The more likely scenario is she just finally got around to doing it? Or maybe she did just finally notice I didn’t follow her? I don’t know, probably never will.

Anyway, it was an occurrence that was out of normality so it makes me think on things. Friday at the office she seemed normal, actually quite warm towards me so she’s not stewing on anything.

Thanks for the update, I am very interested to see where you head and heart are at after a couple weeks of complete NC. I can’t help but think you are going to get past this quicker than you think and be left with just good memories of her.

The urge to text can be so strong, but I caution you not to do it. Maybe this was all very tough on her as well and she just wants a clean break also and has not texted. To me that is the most likely scenario, I am sure whatever you wrote made her feel good, but at some point you decide to leave things on that good feeling and just move on. I am guessing that is what she is doing.

I had a tougher week and weekend. After a good few weeks of feeling pretty good with LO this week I seem to desire her more which is leading to more down thoughts and emotions. Nothing drastic, but certainly a step back. I know from reading other people’s stories here, that is how it goes. Recovery is not linear, it’s a series of advances and setbacks.

Im hoping this next week is better, going to make a more dedicated effort on being a little more LC with her.

Thanks for the kind words. I hope your situation improves buddy.

Im only two days out but I definitely feel really bad. She has some of her own problems and is going to counseling as we have talked about. She said she disassociates from strong emotions sometimes and kind of walls off. Doesn’t make it hurt less how she just let me walk out and hasn’t texted about the letter or gifts.

I realize these are her problems and not mine. I can’t change someone. The hardest part Speed, is following your no texting rule. I desperately want to try and coax a response out of her. It will solve nothing and might even lead to more hurt. I’m staying strong.

Also, I’m starting to feel a growing ball of anxiety for going into work tomorrow knowing she’ll never be there again. Even after the fantasy has been shattered I still feel a great loss for something that never was.

Rufio, I can see why you feel hung up on what she thinks of your letter. I can’t speak for her, but I know that I was narrowly focused on my wedding when I was in her shoes. She is probably preoccupied. And when I quit working to be a full-time mom, the office threw me a very nice going away party that included sentimental letters. I still cherish all of those letters 18 years later. As long as you kept the note at a friendship level, she will just treasure it. She might use it to boost her mood when life gets hard. Your relationship with your LO reminds me of my relationship with one of the men from my old office. Anytime I think of him, I smile. I love reunions when he and I get to catch up. Of course I can’t know how your LO feels, but based on what you shared, I suspect she sees you in a similar way.

It’s okay to have breakdowns. You will get through this.

Sending lots of love to you, Rufio. Sounds like you have a good opportunity for NC here, even though I imagine you hurt badly right now. Do check in if you can and feel up to it; I’m sure I am not the only one who wants to see how things turn out for you, and could learn from your journey. Big hugs and hang in there.

Lol, I understand what you meant Lovisa! I have never had an LE before and I for some reason doubt I ever will again. I may check in from time to time though.

I can tell you I’ve had a couple break downs this morning already trying to do simple daily things. If she has read my letter she didn’t think to say thank you if she liked it so my brain is simply assuming she was annoyed or thought it was weird. Perhaps she just hasn’t read it yet as she was going out of town yesterday after she left. I have resisted the urge to text her. I just have to let go.