The thing is, we have always and will always be responsible for our own happiness. We have to choose joy. Sure, people can do things that increase our happiness, but we are truly responsible for it. No one should stay in or leave a relationship simply because they are not happy. That’s a you-thing, not a them-thing. If you are not happy with the way the relationship is going, buckle down and make the changes. If you don’t have a desire to, own it. If your partner doesn’t want to do the work, call it.

Think of it as a news cycle. You need something new to report on. Thus, we need new stories on here. Unless there’s a new development in an old story. 🙂

Well, Marcia,

As Robert Plant put it with respect to “The Song Remains the Same (1973),” “The lyrics are based on Robert Plant’s belief that music is universal. He told NME in 1973: “Every time I sing that, I just picture the fact that I’ve been round and round the world, and at the root of it all there’s a common denominator for everybody. – https://www.songfacts.com/facts/led-zeppelin/the-song-remains-the-same

[IMO, the only thing good about that song is the title. It reminds my why I don’t like most Led Zeppelin]

You could say the same about limerence. There may be a point where “if you’ve seen one limerent, you’ve seen them all.”

Michael Jackson first performed a medley of Jackson 5 hits with his brothers during the 1983 Motown 25 special. As his brothers left the stage, he said, “I like those songs a lot, but especially I like the new songs. ” And he broke into “Billie Jean” and his breakthrough performance as a solo artist. He moowalked for the first time. And no one was talking that night about the old songs. It’s time for some new songs.

But, Marcia…

“It’s The Same Old Song” – The Four Tops (1965)

https://youtu.be/-2xgpFzTEC8

I guess if you are able to find female friends you don’t find appealing at all and the friendship truly is platonic. But almost every male friend I’ve had who I spent one-on-one time with eventually starting making sexual comments or a sexual pass. (I can only think of two who didn’t, and I’m am thinking of friendships all the way back to high school.) And with two exceptions, all of them floated away (or the friendship imploded) when I either ignored the comments or said no. Which leads me to believe their intention was never friendship. Of course, I don’t know that for sure. Maybe their feelings changed over time. Idk. But I considered these guys just friends. If I considered them more I would have been trying to push for more pretty soon after meeting them. But that’s me.

@Marcia, yes, I was referring mostly to socializing in a group, but individually doesn’t always have to be a big deal either. I have a female friend I have totally “friend-zoned.” There is nothing “wrong” with her, but I just do not see her in a romantic way and probably never would (despite us having a lot in common on paper). We are truly just platonic friends. My wife senses this and she is not jealous at all of our friendship. So, it can happen, and I really don’t share the view that men only want to hang out with women they want to have sex with.

“I also think we are seeing a growing realization that men and women can be friends, and that there is nothing with socializing with the opposite sex (or your preferred gender) even if you are in a relationship with someone else.”
I don’t know what you mean by socializing. In a group? Yeah, probably not a big deal. But one-one-one, calling, texting, hanging out together? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think most straight men hang out with women one-one-one they don’t find attractive.

It’s funny. Before reading the article I thought “radical monogamy” was going to be about returning to Victorian era morality around monogamy, but it doesn’t sound like that at all. However, I have to say I am witnessing two very polar opposite trends with respect to monogamy these days. On one end, we are seeing more and more people explore things like polyamory and serial monogamy, and there is a growing tolerance and respect for people with those sorts of alternate approaches to marriage and relationships. I personally think that is a good thing because traditional monogamy doesn’t work for everyone, and as we’re living longer it becomes extremely difficult to commit to the same partner 100% for 60 years or longer. I also think we are seeing a growing realization that men and women can be friends, and that there is nothing with socializing with the opposite sex (or your preferred gender) even if you are in a relationship with someone else.

On the other hand, I am seeing more and more people take an extremely moralistic stance towards monogamy that is (in my opinion) quite unrealistic and damaging to people’s psyches and their relationships. Some of this is driven by religion and highly conservative values, but I also see (primarily women’s) magazines and websites promoting concepts like “micro-cheating.” I personally think some of these concepts pathologize normal human behaviour and make it seem like just being human is something to be ashamed of. We are hardwired to find other people interesting and attractive. That doesn’t mean we are actually going to cheat, but some of the things described as “micro-cheating” seem ridiculous (and I know that cheating doesn’t have to involve full-fledged sexual intercourse in order to be cheating). For example, I know someone who was dating a woman who grew up in a very religious family. She wouldn’t even allow the poor guy to watch a movie with an attractive actress in it, and when he was walking down the street and an attractive woman was walking towards them, she would shout at him, “Focus, focus!” meaning he couldn’t even look at the woman. I honestly thought “radical monogamy” was going to be something like that, and I must say, if I ever got into a relationship with a woman who believed in that sort of thing or believed that women should remain in the drawing room while men retire to the parlour after dinner, I certainly wouldn’t be in that relationship for long. While a small amount of jealousy is a good thing, trust is also very important in any relationship, and we have to recognize and understand that society has changed and moved on from the Victorian era.

The forum’s been quite lively lately…