Hi Filbert,
Sorry to resurrect a dead thread. Just wondered how you got on, as I am in a similar situation.

At least you got some sort of interaction out of it. It at least sounds like you were rejected “as a guy” and not wholly rejected “as a human being”. I know this probably isn’t very consoling, but it is at least something positive — or not.

This latest twist leads me to a cruelly misshapen world view. Suddenly all the peace of mind I had gained seems in tatters. I hardly got through it last time and I barely got to enjoy the fruits of my freedom. Now all the jealousy, rumination and desire to be with her are back and are overwhelming. The rain of matter upon sense dulls me momently. Good luck, folks, it’s a bum deal, this limerence. Maybe something will come out of it some day.

I think we have hope the admiration will transition into Great Love. Sometimes people do get to have both, alas though, not the limerent.

@Blue Ivy, M.

Maybe admiration can become problematic for some limerents because it fuels uncertainty? Possibly, our limerent brains interpret expressions of admiration as “hope”?

I think ego has been a barrier for me in overcoming limerence. I.e. if I’m so wonderful, why didn’t he want me? And if I’m not wonderful, why did LO say and/or imply I was? Was LO’s admiration real or feigned? Does LO just go around telling everybody they’re “amazing” and the adjective itself mean nothing?

This 100%.
My current LO is widely admired and liked; that certainly played a part in my wanting to get his attention. I partially achieved my goal –certainly won his praise and admiration, but like you say, it was not enough. We never crossed any big boundaries but I invested too much effort in trying to win more of his attention.

LE,
“My now ex-coworker is a woman. ”
My bad. That sounded like something a man would say to another man, without understanding how woman think.
“I think the point she was trying to make was that a woman could tell when a man is looking for trouble and I wasn’t.”
There are definitely married men who put out the feelers. Some are very flirtatious but have no intention of following through. Others can’t follow through. I had a married guy years ago who was always making sexual comments at me but the few moments we were alone, nothing much ever happened. He was shaking. I think he was terrified at the thought of going through with it.

Marcia,

My now ex-cowoker is a woman. I think the point she was trying to make was that a woman could tell when a man is looking for trouble and I wasn’t. But, maybe she meant something else.

When LO #2 told me my successor was cheating on her, I told her that I never cheated on her.

She said, “I know. I don’t think you’re capable of it.”

I’d like to think that it was a tribute to my integrity but it may have been her way of saying that I didn’t have the balls to cheat on her.

LE,
“I had a coworker tell me the only reason a woman would make a pass at me was to see if she could get me to cheat. I told my coworker that I didn’t see that as a compliment.”
Is your co-worker a man? I’ve never witnessed that as a reason. I suppose some women might make a pass at, for example, a married co-worker because they are bored and want a little excitement but not as some kind of test. I made a pass at my married LO because I really wanted him. For me, it was not sport. There are many reasons a woman may make a pass a man, married or otherwise. Some have to do with strong interest; some don’t.