Comments on: Limerence and anxious attachment

By: Bridgelover

Bridgelover — Thu, 31 Aug 2023 02:50:13 +0000

In reply to Megan. My LO2 was mutually limerent with me. We had EAs twice ten years apart (the more recent time was ten years ago). We are still sort of friends but seldom talk as the boundaries are still a bit too permeable.

By: James A Afourkeeff

James A Afourkeeff — Wed, 30 Aug 2023 23:32:29 +0000

Here is a story that just popped up on CNN.

https://www.cnn.com/health/attachment-styles-types-relationships-wellness-cec

By: Concerned friend

Concerned friend — Sun, 12 Mar 2023 02:21:21 +0000

One of my best friends has recently identified that I’m her LO. Like she’s labeled it just like that. I’m non-limerent in general, but it’s true for me to her. I’m straight and in a happy 5 year relationship. She is self aware, self reflectant and in therapy and CODA. We talk very openly about it and the struggles. I can’t shake the feeling that just me engaging with her is making it worse and I’m not being a good friend. I care for her deeply but only as my friend and it will never be more. I don’t know what to do. I saw the other blog post about what I should do, but will that really help her to heal and learn? She’ll just replace me with someone else. At least I have the knowledge of what’s going on and awareness. Help!!!!

By: Megan

Megan — Fri, 11 Nov 2022 19:01:43 +0000

I tried to deal with my limerence on my own but I think I need to talk to a therapist about it. For me LO is avoidant, possibly neglectful, shy, introverted and passive. I am avoidant, shy and introverted so we’re quite the same.
What I noticed that people who attract me are passive, avoidant, distant and abstract (if it’s there such thing)-why? Because they are safe to me. Those who show an interest, become overly obsessed with me, controlling, needy and clingy and I’d rather die than be in a relationship with needy people (I was raised by those). So that’s my problem-vacilating between two unhealthy extremes. I actually don’t know what it means to be ‘grey’, stable, balanced.

So happy I found your blog.

BTW, please do a post where your LO is in love with you (limerent). It’s my case. What happens when you LO has feelings for you?

By: Emily

Emily — Sun, 12 Jun 2022 23:51:21 +0000

“If your anxious tendencies were formed by unreliable caregivers, an avoidant LO will at some level feel right. Or at least familiar.” I think this is a part for me as I was abandoned by my mother for almost a year when I was born. In a way, I think the uncertainty aspect of limerence triggers this old pattern, the longing for someone who is not really there, or unpredictably there.

By: Ophelie

Ophelie — Fri, 20 Aug 2021 03:40:42 +0000

In reply to Schmoejoe. That's also a great analogy. The bus tends to move at high speed for Dad, but only in the early stages of "pursuit", then they hop off unexpectedly:(

By: Sammy

Sammy — Tue, 17 Aug 2021 23:15:58 +0000

In reply to Ophelie.

“… this man makes me feel very stupid as I cannot read his intentions at all. I like my friend’s theory that he might be on the spectrum but then I discover something personal about him that blows that theory out of water and I’m back to square one trying to psychoanalyze him. Ugh. I think I might be addicted to the pain of it all.”

@Ophelie.

Don’t worry about feeling stupid. I think, if we can’t read someone’s intentions, that usually means they don’t have intentions where we are concerned. E.g. the person isn’t in the market for a serious relationship with us…

What I’ve heard about people on the spectrum is that they’re … honest almost to a fault. So, if it’s safe to ask this guy what his intentions are and he really is on the spectrum, he will more likely than not give you an honest, straightforward answer. Do you feel asking him outright for clarification of his feelings is an option? 😛

I guess it’s tough for a neurotypical woman to like a guy on the spectrum because, yes, he won’t pick up on any non-verbal cues. (He might not even be aware you like him, unless you spell it out). Men on the spectrum don’t pick up on hints – that’s all I’m saying. However, plenty of “normal men” act the same way. Confusing!

“Being addicted to the pain of it all” definitely sounds like something most limerents can relate to! We do have a habit of getting ourselves swept up into the rough seas of rumination! 😛

By: Schmoejoe

Schmoejoe — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 15:13:15 +0000

In reply to Limerent Emeritus. I totally get your ‘driving the bus’ analogy. I made that mistake with my LO! From the point of view from a AP bus driver, DA’s like you drive it for a little while in the beginning . But you have to get out of the drivers seat at some point pretty early on and wait for them to hopefully drive. They tend to get bored of driving though and get off leaving you alone on the bus. My LO said I needed to find someone else to drive around.

By: Allie 1

Allie 1 — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 17:21:32 +0000

In reply to Ophelie.

Yup I can totally relate to that…
I find it is the same for any repeated experience or action that is linked to our addiction (a.k.a. LO) such as seeing their name, analysing them, talking about them etc. They seem to generate a little echoing burst of the same neurochemicals that the LO does, even when it is a painful experience or action.

By: Ophelie

Ophelie — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 13:43:02 +0000

In reply to Limerent Emeritus. Haha, I like this analogy. For me rumination has been a part time job but without any pay. @Allie, I like your idea too but sadly, I think I'm too far gone and the whys are now a significant part of my psyche. I am always looking for clues and explanations and to be perfectly honest, I get this weird satisfaction from it all. Why is he the way he Is? I don't know but each little clue feels good to add to the theories.