Comments on: When are we most vulnerable to limerence? https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence Life, love, and limerence Tue, 11 Jul 2023 02:13:28 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.1.9 By: MJ https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-43290 Tue, 11 Jul 2023 02:13:28 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-43290 In reply to AvantGardener.

You’re welcome. Glad you could join us. There is a ton of good reading here and advice in the comments. Feel free to join in whenever and wherever and you will for sure get a reply.

]]> By: AvantGardener https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-43283 Mon, 10 Jul 2023 21:55:46 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-43283 First, I found LwL just the other day. This was also the first day in my life I found a name for the horribly painful experience I’ve gone through for the past several years. I’m a 57yo straight male and my LO is 10 years younger than me and someone who I see in person maybe 4-5 times a year and has absolutely no interest in me (just a fact, not whining). She knows me a little and is very friendly when we see each other.

I’ve so far read several articles on this site, but this one seemed especially relevant to me. I was reasonably successful in a creative field before I got married, but rejected all of that when I got married and had a child and needed to get a “real job” in IT. I hated my job for 15+ years. I love my current job, as it offers much more opportunities for being creative. Now, I can see how my suppression of my creative soul has led me to my LO, who is also very talented in my creative area.

Just learning the name of this experience and to feel part of a community of other people who share this experience has given some badly needed healing. Thank you.

]]> By: Vikke https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-37316 Fri, 30 Dec 2022 14:40:00 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-37316 🤣]]> In reply to anna.

I also came to the conclusion that my LO is a (covert) narcissist.

She fits a lot of the “red flags” at least, being extremely nice, doing even extra things just for me, kinda flirting / throwing compliments left and right, pretending she want to be friends and connect, talking A LOT about her, showing off her strength and fitness level as a result of becoming jealous because I showed her pictures of some fitness trainers that are my inspiration, talking about how good she is and that she is not totally appreciated at work…. And posting non-stop on IG fishing for likesand co.
To then go totally cold from one day to the other. To then pay me some attention on IG, and go cold again, giving me just a little attention on IG as soon as I start ignoring her myself (this has happened a couple of times already), going cold again…

I usually do not like to think badly and negatively about people, I guess I am that naive, and I am having a very hard time to accept that she is doing this on purpose and to hurt me, as I suppose I have to assume she did notice I was developing a crush or wanted to becomr friends or something.

My brain or heartdoes not want to accept that the nice person she was is in fact evil and she is hurting me on purpose just because she can. But after a lot of thinking, there isn’t another answer.

So also trying to picture her evil everytime she shows up in my thoughts or I get the urge to look at one story on IG. Trying to stay away and trying to tell myself that all my other relationships and friendships just happened, there wasn’t so much drama and surely not that much pain, and that the universe is telling me to STAY AWAY.

Now I only need to apply this long term 🤣🤣

]]> By: Vikke https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-37315 Fri, 30 Dec 2022 13:45:06 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-37315 In my case it clearly was when I was at my lowest, probably ever. Grieving the recent death of my dad without being able to say goodbye and many open wounds, finding out my mum has cancer, lots of stress and uncertainty at work…
And there she comes, somebody who takes care of me, calms my anxiety , makes me forget everything for a while (which is her job, as therapist), who (what in my fantasy mind thought?) flirts with me and tells me what I want to hear about my workout progress… bam!
No wonder. My brain got hooked to that feeling and wants to have it again and again. If it would only understand it will never happen again, ever.. and that much of it was just that, a fantasy, an illusion, something it made up.

In other energy/mental conditions I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, of course she was not flirting, why should she??? she was just being extra nice because she probably felt I needed some TLC.

]]> By: Anna https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-37309 Fri, 30 Dec 2022 05:40:41 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-37309 In reply to Limerent Emeritus.

Thank You for your response.
I guess I’m doing what most new Limerents do, try to make sense of it all.
I’m might even be trying to conjure up some sort of faults to put on my LO so I can get some relief from the god like status that I see him right now! so sad!
Thanks for the links!
~Anna

]]> By: Limerent Emeritus https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-37307 Fri, 30 Dec 2022 05:13:43 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-37307 In reply to anna.

LOs can fit a pattern.

Given the similarities between limerence and codependence. It doesn’t seem all that surprising that Narcs would glimmer to a lot of limerence. https://www.andreaharrn.co.uk/co-dependent-limerent/

My personal theory is codependents and limerents have similar origins but play out differently as they age.

Cluster B personality disorders (borderlines, narcs, and sociopaths) pop up frequently in the blogs and comments. Histronics, not so much. You just have to grind through the stuff and find them.

https://livingwithlimerence.com/?s=narcissists

https://livingwithlimerence.com/?s=sociopath

https://livingwithlimerence.com/?s=psychopath

]]> By: anna https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-37305 Fri, 30 Dec 2022 03:17:00 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-37305 I know these threads are old but, but I just had to comment on the type of people that become LO’s (not them all)..The word “Narcissist” seems to come up ALOT! and not just on this thread!
WOW! This my first LE and yes, I believe he most definitely showed signs of narcissistic behaviour..Could that be what hooks us? The lovey~dovey first and then the hot/cold after?..playing with our feelings?
I don’t know? maybe I’m just grasping at straws here?
I have read alot of comments on this site and the way some are describing their LO’s seems to fit a pattern.

]]> By: Darlene https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-34921 Fri, 09 Sep 2022 01:42:50 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-34921 In reply to Matt.

Yup I know the feeling and the ghosting after a 3-4 month relationship with a borderline/narcissist caused me to cry every day for him along with constant obsessive thoughts from the first day we met only worsened. They only thing I could do with my barely functioning self was keep working daily and running/exercise daily. Time I feel is the only thing that helps and actually Acupuncture helped too.

]]> By: Darlene https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-34920 Fri, 09 Sep 2022 01:27:43 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-34920 In reply to Marcia.

Exactly on everything you said Marcia!

]]> By: Darlene https://livingwithlimerence.com/when-are-we-most-vulnerable-to-limerence/#comment-34919 Thu, 08 Sep 2022 22:08:14 +0000 https://livingwithlimerence.com/?p=2314#comment-34919 In reply to Gone PostLE.

I am happy for you too.
The only thing I have noticed about myself with this is that I stand up for myself more. This hurt so so badly, that I just will not allow the disrespect from others like colleagues to try me poorly since I have less to lose with them that I will not put up with it…if that makes any sense.

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