@Marcia

Sorry for noticing your reply so late when only re-reading LwL blog writings and comments again.

I would say the “gamification” of the language learning app I’m currently using has taken over in making me distracted from reminiscing the limerence high, but I could tell it’s a different kind of high. It didn’t really make me forget the limerence high but it’s a good enough subtitute in dulling the addiction.

I haven’t taken too much recreation drugs but I guess the app is like taking daily weed, nice relaxing sedative or sometimes makes me hyped up. Whereas limerence high is like taking acid and getting the good trip where my memory of them are vivid, bright and feeling more special. But then again, unlike limerence, I’ve only taken LSD mindfully while making sure I’m mostly in a relaxed phase and having a trusted “trip sitter”. Whereas limerence is more accidental with the mindful bit thrown out of the window, so maybe this analogy isn’t a good one.

However, my point is that if someone who isn’t interested in game rewards + learning a language, for them to do the same thing I’m doing to get over limerence isn’t going to work at all, in my opinion. It has to be something the person have always wanted to do, and I mean, truly want deep down, without the wishful thinking but going to give up halfway when the journey gets tough. Because that would mean they’ve never really wanted it in the first place. It’s gotta be something that you find exciting when it gets a bit more challenging, even if it’s something that others find relaxing or boring, like gardening or golf.

Which is why I think each individual are different in finding the thing(s) that could put their mind away from limerence. It could be creating a blog, making a hobbyist train park, to the ones we both thought of as a snore, like the tea ladies or home decorating. Maybe the ladies having tea find getting new gossip or solving other people’s problems as interesting challenges, meanwhile figuring out how to make an ugly couch fit in a small cramped room gives another person a sense of accomplishment.

But I know trying to figure out and find what works to overcome limerence could be a difficult task too. There’s going to be some trial and error with much time + resources wasted. Before this I’ve tried making art (again) and journal writing but in the end, I’ve find out that they were only my “wishful” dreams instead.

The nudge towards the language learning was actually prompted by a random encounter online because we happen to talk about different cultures and languages. So the conversation reminded me that my love for art and journals are actually based on the culture of a particular foreign country. Only then it made me thought that learning their language would make me able to immerse myself further into that old interest mine.

I did at one point learn the language basics 20 years ago as a minor subject but breakup with LO#1 happened soon after. After that for the most part, I’ve forgotten about my core interests because getting jumbled up with what’s truly my interests and wondering if they were LO’s instead. What a mess to untangle from, lol.

Anyway, hope this wall of text makes sense to you but I appreciate your question as it made me think deeper. Good luck in your journey of discovery as well!

Nemisis, having my SO withdraw started my LE. It wasn’t his fault by any means — it was a perfect storm of awful circumstances. Even in the middle of it all, I was trying to figure out how to get myself out of what I had allowed to get out of hand and didn’t know how to control.

It all opened up the path to a better understanding of each other and what we want out of life. It’s been one of the most painful experiences we’ve shared. We’ve learned together about anxious attachment, addiction, codependency, boundaries, and how our childhoods still affect us. Things I’ve needed to deal with and just kept ignoring until the aspects of my personality disrupted our lives in a major way. SO kept asking what the hell happened, and I didn’t have any answers. We do now.

There is much more honesty, better communication, and happiness now. They are now recognizable situations and people types I need to avoid. They are not situations or people I can handle easily.

I have so many regrets. The change in the way I viewed my SO was a huge red flag, and started the way back. I hope you have the patience, Nemesis, to work through all of this muck and mire to a better understanding of each other. It’s worth it if you can.

Why,
“Maybe some neurological side to explaining why for me finding another addictive hobby helps with getting over my last LE. Currently using a language learning app that uses SRS (Spaced Repetition System) …”
Has that taken the place of the limerent high? I have struggled with finding an activity that compares to limerence. You made reference to middle-aged hobbies, and I find most of those a snore, tbh — gardening, home improvement, cards, ladies who lunch.

That’s a fair point, Nemesis. Unfortunately, where limerence is concerned there is often plenty of heartache to go around.

Maybe some neurological side to explaining why for me finding another addictive hobby helps with getting over my last LE. Currently using a language learning app that uses SRS (Spaced Repetition System) and so far it’s one of the biggest reason why I’m hardly thinking of LO#4 in the same way I used to in the past months.

My time everyday that would have been spent ruminating weren’t given the light of day with the learning apps with “gamification” that’s been set up well enough. For someone else, it might look like a mid-life crisis hobby, but to me anything is better than going through LE again. I have much respect to all of the classic mid-life crisis hobbies now, when back then when I was younger, I would scorn or look down on how wasteful (of time and money) they are usually, lol. Now I think those were good investment to a happier life and relationship, as long one does not end up broke or in debt, or making the partner upset, of course.

To me, it took the worst of LE to re-examine and ask was there anything that I used to want to do but have left them at the sideways from living on auto-pilot. I think I have been lucky because I can see it can have a downside if one inadvertently choose a damaging addictive compensation instead.

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”

Soldier on, Marcia! Best of luck on your set project!