Good for you Jacqueline ! Hopefully his rude (ego driven ?) response gives you certainty that you deserve better than him. Limerence is fuelled by uncertainty – at least in my case. Now as you are free and single I say go have some fun 😊

I messaged the individual on WhatsApp. His reply 2 days later was a screenshot of a Facebook page advertising his TV program. I subsequently deleted the message and of course the contact. That’s the only way I’ll get him out of my mind. In fact after I sent the message I began feeling better.

I believe the first was a rejection. We grew up in the same church since we were both 11 or 12. Our parents were friends and we often had social events and dinners and each others’ houses. But one day she appeared to me as more than a friend. She was this beautiful amazing woman. And I perused her being more than friends. I changed Bible study classes so I would see her twice a week besides Sunday service.

When she finally introduced me to her “friend” when she invited me to have lunch with her after Sunday service, I knew I was out of the picture. She changed Bible study classes where I would only see her on Sunday and then eventually changed churches about two months after that. That seemed a very clear rejection as she didn’t even communicate as a friend.

LO declined my silent interest in her. For her sake, my sake or both. She let me down easy, as they say. She was friendly and sweet all the way up to her last day. And even after two years if I called her I am confident she would answer in a friendly manner. The only reason I think she maintains no contact is for my benefit. But I don’t feel a rejection in her decision to leave.

Snowphoenix

“heart is at odd with brain”

As the saying goes; when the heart and the mind are at odds, the liver suffers. And I’ve put mine through hell.

Grego

“who in retrospect was a nice guy”

Same for me. Both the girl in the past and LO. They seemed to be men that genuinely cared for their respective women. But damn, it still hurts.

“you always act so happy when I see you
you smile that way
you take my hand and then
introduce me to your latest lover
and that’s when I feel the walls
start crashing down”

Don’t Expect Me To Be Your Friend — Lobo
https://youtu.be/Zir11p4oCFI?si=LrX0rilqQc_gC-ES

There’s a big difference between someone declining an offer and someone rejecting an offer.

When I told the therapist that LO #2 rejected my marriage proposal, she told me that I was wrong. LO #2 declined my proposal. When something is rejected, it implies something wrong with the offer or the person making the offer. There was nothing wrong with the proposal itself or me in making it. We decline things all the time for all kind of reasons.

The therapist also explained that when LO #2 took off after I proposed, she wasn’t trying to escape me, she (a likely borderline) was distancing herself from me because she couldn’t handle the intimacy. People who are trying to escape drop out of sight. LO #2 always made sure that she maintained a connection and started to panic when I started to disengage.

If someone isn’t interested in you, they’re not interested. They made a movie about it, “He’s Just Not Into You.”

Some people express their disinterest better than others. Some people express their interest better than others.

But, more often than not, an offer is declined not rejected.

In many, many situations, heart is at odd with brain… logic is at war with desires… caused by social, cultural scripts— the price of living in a herd…

It’s a default of human life since?…. Accepting and smiling at it, one would feel more at peace….

@ snowphoenix, @ Adam,

I wish I could have realised this many years ago. It would have saved my a lot of unnecessary suffering.
I felt devastated when LO1 rejected me and went with a guy (who in retrospect was a nice guy) who I knew.
I did move on. But there was always a bitter shard in my heart that didn’t seem able to heal.
Also a part of me knew she wasn’t someone who I really should get entangled with, but also I desired her.
“The heart wants what the heart wants”

Jacqueline

My first real rejection, the first woman that I ever loved (or whatever you would say a wet behind the ears 20 year old boy felt) chose another man over me, despite my shamelessly chasing her. And that rejection was in the most painful way. I tried to relive that failed attempt through LO. I wanted her to be someone she wasn’t. Regrets are far more damaging than rejection. 27 years later I can hope that the two of them are happy together or she found someone else that does make her happy. The rejection still hurts when I wonder what could have been with the two of us. But the lack of regret soothes the wound. Her and LO weren’t meant to be in my path of life.

The “why” is a very interesting and loaded question. Perhaps its a biological urge, perhaps things are not too exciting on the home front, perhaps there is some void inside that LO fills.

In any case, as Adam says — if there are no barriers, definitely try and pursue LO, otherwise, best to leave it alone.

You are right — patience and compassion are the keywords for you right now. All the best.

Rejection is a default of life!

One WILL meet many rejection of job, friendship, romance, schools, favor—requests… One has to go through it in order to beat it up soon or later!

Think hard: what do you lose when someone says No to you?