I think there is a link. With Asd many people have a special interest, I heard that a person can be someones special interest. it’s also similar with adhd which would be me, my LO is what I fixate on. I think it’s definitely more common with introverts too, i’m not an introvert but I am shy, so when my LO made an effort to get to know me i thought wow, he wants to talk to me? that’s so sweet. and the feelings progressed from there. I also think there is a link with people who have Bpd.

Stay strong. NC is the way to go to get better. Don’t text. You can resist.

Thanks very much, LE. You are right, I’m sure. Appreciated.

Frederico,

“My posts detailing what has happened to me have presumably appeared to be too “run of the mill” bearing in mind the paucity of reactions.”

I wouldn’t say your posts are “run of the mill,” it’s more that you’re in a dry spell of active posters who would relate most to you. Trust me, your situation resonates with a lot of people. They’re not very active on the blogs at the moment.

LwL is kind of an odd place. Posters seem to go through phases. They likely lurk, then they post, then they respond to posts, some of them leave and some of them go back to lurking. The goal for many limerents is to put limerence behind them and get away from this place. (https://livingwithlimerence.com/freedom-from-limerence/)

Have you checked out https://livingwithlimerence.com/community/

I have, I believe, benefited greatly from the information available on this site.

I feel quite desperate, in so many ways, in my No Contact battle. It has been two months now. My posts detailing what has happened to me have presumably appeared to be too “run of the mill” bearing in mind the paucity of reactions.

I am resisting the temptation to send my LO a WhatsApp message with every mental resource that I can muster. I believe he may be ghosting me in the phenomenon of “cancer ghosting” and, because he is thirty years younger than me with a SO and a young daughter, I know that I must be resolute. There is a temptation, should he send me another affectionate message, to explain and reciprocate but I know that I must do the right thing. I am 68 and it’s one of the hardest challenges of my (maybe somewhat pathetic) life.

Sincere best wishes to all. I know it gets better with patience.

Well said, levin

Pat, I don’t know if you will come back to view this comment, but, I think you are doing the best thing by understanding limerence, even if your wayward spouse, won’t. My husband has been in a limerent affair for the last year. I made sure I learned everything I could about the limerent spouse: The rewritten history of our relationship, the vilification, the lies, etc. Things got better for us once their relationship started to deteriorate. My husband lied a lot to his LO. He wanted the both of us. I was the secure one at home who has taken care of him for 25 years. She was the fun one that he could go out with. This weekend, I blew it all up. I texted her and told her the whole truth, woman to woman. She responded kindly with apologies to me and my kids. There is no guarantee that they won’t contact each other again, but, I said what I had to. I am also, no longer afraid to lose my marriage. I fought hard to keep it together for a year. Despite the fact that I know limerence always ends and one day, he may realize what he has done, what if he doesn’t? What if he forever blames me for everything? What if he always pines for the one that got away? I also have been limerent before in our marriage. Over a decade ago before there were children. I know that those amazing feelings were inside me, not my LO. While I don’t wish death on the guy, (we are still friends on social media) I feel nothing for him. Learning about limerence helped me understand that there is nothing magical about neurotransmitter. I’m a Psyche major, I get all of that. The only feeling I have about my LE is how embarrassed I am that I took that risk. I get sick to my stomach over the time wasted and I will always do whatever I can to avoid feelings like that. I wish I could say the same thing for my husband.

I hope you are doing okay.

This is the exact experience I had with a therapist I was seeing. By the 2nd session, I felt like she would be able to solve all my problems. And I wanted to tell her all of them.

She purposely revealed very little about her life personally in session. But, she was attentive and gave a lot of intense eye contact and I found out by her wide open social media profiles that we were actually quite similar in upbringing, current life, beliefs, etc. All of this conspired to make me feel in (platonic) love with her that still exists 6 months past the last appointment.

A lot of my time in therapy was aimed at focusing on things that we actually had in common. She never “bit” so to speak to say “Oh I’ve gone through that, too…” or anything. She just listened. She helped process. She illuminated some really dark trailheads, but she didn’t really want to wander down any of them with me, in-depth. There was always some kind of withholding with her, it seems. So could she feel how I felt and was purposely keeping me at arms’ length?

She also saw me in the hallway of her office building once and didn’t return my “hello” as we passed each other. And never replied to my emails outside of session, even though they were related to topics we talked about. All of these things really bother me to this day. Did she do all that because she hates me? Or likes me beyond the therapeutic relationship?

Eventually I confessed the feelings that were making it difficult to do any meaningful work in therapy. Again she listened. But we didn’t really take the topic anywhere. I stopped going a few sessions later.

So now I dream about her at night. I think about her all the time. I wish she would want to keep in contact. Or check-in. I wish that she missed me even a tiny bit.

I’m very ready to be over this and would welcome any tips that aren’t already mentioned in blog postings.

The limerence and longing do lessen over time, but, no, purposeful living does not replace the high. It can’t. Particularly if you were able to fully consummate with the LO. That makes it even harder.