Hi Julia,
There are a small minority of people here who have managed to maintain some kind of friendship with an LO (or former LO), although I think there are a lot of caveats to that statement. I’d say if it got to weight loss and insomnia, then you’re kidding yourself that you can be “friends” with this person, and it not do you enormous damage. None of us want to hear that we have to let LO go. I realized that I needed to do this a year and a half ago, but I simply didn’t want to. It’s only in the last few months that this has really sunk in, and I’ve both acted on that, and accepted it fully. Perhaps we all need to go through that slow process of realization.

Julia,
I encourage you to read other blog entries about the possibilities of keeping LO as a friend.
I tried that but always wanted more.
NC has worked for me.
I’m past the longing stage, and am working toward indifference.
Closer and closer.
This blog is invaluable. Also, we can choose. After years of struggle, I choose freedom.

And although I don’t wish this on you, it might take another x years to “let go.” Ask me how I know and I’m not even fully there yet.

Tbh, I have always been afraid that talking about LE with friends would brand me “delusional” and crazy(I’ve come close to others insinuating this already) so I just don’t talk about it, unless it’s with complete strangers.

@Scharn. Thank you for sharing your banana split story with us. For some reason, it was strangely enjoyable to read. Actually, I quite like your mother after reading it. She sounds refreshingly easy-going.

Probably not the point at all, but it’s scary to think how much food is wasted by my generation and people younger than me – we have a whole different mindset.

Levin,
“Would you choose mutual infatuation, knowing that it would end in complete disaster? I guess there’s the Romeo & Juliet situation, but I think worse (!) ”
Funny that you pick Romeo and Juliet. I realize what I’m asking for sounds a bit juvenile, but I was a late bloomer and never experienced mutual infatuation. Actually, I think infatuation is painful if it’s not reciprocated or, even worse, if it’s half-reciprocated but the other person isn’t as interested and it never really gets off the ground. That is what a lot of us have experienced on here. I could be kidding myself. I don’t know. I’ve had one LO who became a boyfriend, and when the limerence died, it was time to move on because I could see him clearly and I didn’t particularly like him as a person. I’m not saying the break up didn’t have any effect on me, but the LOs with whom I never really experienced ” the full Monty” hurt me more.

When I was a kid, I didn’t like bananas. As an adult, I still don’t like them very much. When my parents were still married, there was a Woolworth’s a few blocks away that had a lunch counter. My mother and I would stop in and have lunch or ice cream.

I’d order a banana split and leave the bananas. My mother picked up on this and asked why I’d order a banana split when I didn’t like bananas. I told her it was the only way to get a 3-scoop sundae with different toppings. My mother said that made a lot of sense. After that, we’d get two spoons and she’d eat the bananas.

What’s the point?

We do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, they don’t make sense to the people around us. Sometimes, they don’t even make sense to us. But, sometimes they do. I like 3-scoop sundaes with different toppings. Ordering a banana split was the way to get it. Wasting a banana was an acceptable trade-off to me.

Maybe the point is that it may not be possible to get exactly what you want without working on it. You may have to shed or trim some of it. Or, you may have to start with something and add to it. But, in the end, you get what you want.

End of ramble.

Marcia: “Not so much other goals, but I’ll feel like I missed out on a life experience.”

Would you choose mutual infatuation, knowing that it would end in complete disaster? I guess there’s the Romeo & Juliet situation, but I think worse (!) is when it goes so unbelievably wrong that both parties are left regretting the entire thing. That kind of ruins it.

Can we claim a color for the boxes that have the first initial of our first names? As in … can regular posters all get their own signature color? I’d like to claim pink with a leopard-print border. 🙂