For me, the ROCD has been more debilitating, inducing more anxiety and more obsessive tendencies. Perhaps because I really want to be in a relationship with someone who is as present, loving, kind and stable as my partner, even though I don’t feel intensely about them. The battle between my core values and my desire for “fireworks and intensity” has been rough for the past 9 months.

With LE, and all my LOs, there has always been this ephemeral quality to these encounters – they’ve lacked depth in some way. I’ve always had this feeling as though I was giving up a part of myself and disrespecting myself to harbour the obsession. I’ve only had one LO with whom I “secured” a relationship, after much initial obsessing on my part. After 2 years, the mystery disappeared. I became angry and miserable. We ended up parting as friends.

A day late and a dollar short, but if you’re looking for “a pill”, there is a supplement called N-Acetyl Cysteine that seems to have helped me. It has been studied and found effective for certain obsessive thought patterns. For me, I found that taking two 600mg capsules a day reduced LO’s presence in my head to a much less debilitating level. YMMV, but I experienced no noticeable side effects, the stuff is relatively cheap. More info here: https://neurosparkle.com/nac/

Thanks Sammy for your empathy. I’m glad you have moved on. I hope to get to the other side of it… I know eventually I will… not sure how long it would be.

“But now it hurts, hurts. It is 24 X 7 obsession. I’ve tried everything I could think of… being cognizant of thoughts, pushing away thoughts, meditation… nothing helps. If only there was a pill I could take. Or a switch I could turn off.”

@BlueIvy. Just wanted to give you a shout-out. I think the “intrusive thoughts” are definitely a sign of limerence and one of the things that separates limerence from an ordinary crush. I was reminded how painful those constant, unwanted thoughts are when I read your post. I don’t have them anymore (probably due to no contact and the passage of a very long period of time). Everything passes eventually. But I understand you longing for a pill that would immediately bring relief from the mental torment. It’s a tough thing to go through.

Normally, when people go through stressful experiences, they can take time out, go somewhere away from the source of stress. It’s hard to escape limerent stress since we seem to be carrying around the stress with us, inside our heads!!

*Allie
(Sorry for the typo in your name)

Thankyou so much for your thoughtful reply Alice
You are right… I’ve questioned myself too… do I really (like REALLY) completely want to give it up? Or is a part of me reluctant to, hence the failure.

Your advice is very helpful.

Hi BlueIvy. I really feel for you! I am in a very similar situation… happily married but caught up the grip of a powerful year+ long LE for a more senior co-worker that I report to. I have tried a variety of techniques also. For me regular meditation helps me with the crippling intrusive thinking such that I can still focus well and enjoy other things. I find being kind to myself, accepting my feelings and allowing them to just be helps dial down the intensity – struggling against it makes my LE so much worse and more painful. My problem is that much of the time, I just don’t want to let go so I end up resorting to cooling my LE just enough to function and live normally, albeit with a favourite hobby called LE rumination. My key practices are to talk myself out of personalising everything he says and does, embrace the uncertainty and live with purpose. Managing this is a constant effort however. DrLs Emergency Reprogramming course is great – I use the techniques for cooling things down but I can see that a more consistent application would slowly but surely lift me out of my limerence pit.
I just need to consistently stick to the choice to really apply myself but my idiot limerent brain clings to the delusion of hope like velcro! Aargh!
Wishing you well.

But now it hurts, hurts. It is 24 X 7 obsession. I’ve tried everything I could think of… being cognizant of thoughts, pushing away thoughts, meditation… nothing helps.
If only there was a pill I could take. Or a switch I could turn off

@Anxious_Soul. Your experience sounds very painful. Clearly, this fellow wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But he didn’t seem to communicate that to you either in an upfront way, which could have saved you an awful lot of heartache and wasted time.

I’ve met a few men like your LO. I think they used to be called “emotionally unavailable” in books specially written for women navigating the choppy waters of late twentieth-century romance. I have no idea what “emotionally unavailable” men/people are called nowadays? Are they classified as “avoidants” maybe?

It’s always very painful to be ghosted by someone. It’s sad that physical closeness with someone doesn’t automatically translate into emotional closeness. It’s especially difficult if you feel you acted in good faith towards a sexual partner. The feelings of betrayal can be pretty intense, and the self-recriminations after.