How has it changed me?
I’m more aware of my yearning to be needed. His obvious need for a partner only fueled my limerence. I put his feelings (never wanted to hurt him) above my own.
After his initial rejection (no long distance relationships, he said. This was after we met and after he said he was open to it) made me anxious. I could never be myself after that. He’d be caring and loving, then cold.
Also, no contact and no friendship with him. Ever. And after all the manipulative moves, I’m okay with that.

*limberence – obsessed with being fit
😉

Karl,
I’m so sorry. How painful. I’ve had a similar experience.
I’m new here. I’ve been in limerence for about two years. My LO, I believe, is – strangely enough – was in limberence/love with a mutual acquaintance for at least 4 years. We’re in an online group so while he and I met…he’s never met her in person.
His actions and words were uncertain, which fueled limberence on my end.
He denied, again and again, that he cared about her. But his attention to her in the group was intense once she was no longer in another relationship.
The pain it caused me was enormous.
She’s rejected him before. She used him the way he used me.
Her conduct should show that she is not the person you imagine.
Good luck

@Jaideux. My dear sweet girl, you may be the Queen of Limerence Limbo. Fifteen years is nothing to sniff at – ’tis true. An impressive accomplishment that would make many a novice limerent blush. But if you are the queen of said limbo, I must surely be the king!

Just teasing you, darling. Please don’t take offence at my wee joke. But I’ve been doing my sums. For LO#1, (straight boy LO), I think I fell into limerence just before Christmas 2000 and fell out of limerence recently, just before Christmas 2020. It’s not a competition, of course, but I’m clearly the winner! (Sorry. I’m teasing you again, and taking the mickey out of myself).

But, seriously, I feel the colour bleeding out of my world. The technicolour aspect of limerence you so often talk about – I can see it visibly fading before my eyes. I swam in my sister’s pool and it just wasn’t the same. The loss of this “brightness” makes me really sad, although I won’t miss the emotional pain, the “permanent headache” of rumination, the fear of rejection, the guilt, etc, etc.

Actually, I think this site and people’s comments have helped me a lot. My limerence seems to be a bit unusual in the sense I had one big overarching limerence (for the straight boy) and then experienced these little “side limerences” at the same time. The big limerence was like an umbrella – it fed into the other crushes, other crushes which may have even been subconscious attempts to understand and explain LE/LO#1, but it always remained the dominant obsession. Hard to explain. But I’m sure LE/LO#1 was responsible for triggering the “life in technicolour” effect. (True limerence?)

I still have little crushes, feel excited around people. But if the brilliant colours and flavours are vanishing, it must be true – I’m moving out of limerence (in my old age) into some other phase.

Last night I dreamt that my father died or very nearly died, and I was responsible for talking to ambulance/police officers and arranging the funeral, etc. I don’t think my real-life father is in any danger. I think the dream is symbolic. The “father archetype” has lost much of its power over me. I no longer feel so intimidated by other males. I think some of my limerence is surely about resolving emotional issues with my real-life father and the archetypal father in my head.

Also had a Christmas chat with one of my sisters. We are in agreement that Mum is more borderline than narcissistic. Borderlines do engage in some very dodgy behaviour (such as lying) but apparently this behaviour is inspired by a need to elicit caretaking behaviour from others. When I see my mother as borderline rather narcissistic, I feel infinitely more compassion for her. It’s fear of abandonment that’s driving her, not pure egotism.

I feel my most recent limerent-ish crush might be about making peace with my mother’s borderline traits, since I’ve more or less resolved my daddy issues now, and feel indifference for LO#1.

Hope you have a marvellous Christmas, sweetheart. Thanks for pouring your heart out on this site. Reigning queen or not, I value the precious jewels of insight you’ve offered. I see overlap in some of our experiences and it’s helped me pierce together pieces of my own jigsaw. Gosh, I don’t want to lose technicolour vision – I’ve gotten so used to it! Maybe we just get attached to the magic show of limerence itself at times and never mind the original catalyst?

Snowflake, as others have commented, you are being a troll. If you are so concerned about infidelity, why not comment on someone’s post who has actually been unfaithful to their spouse (there are other commenters who have). Last I checked, even in the “good ole US,” thought crimes still hadn’t been outlawed. By the way, there are regular commenters on this site from across the English-speaking world (including the USA) and beyond, so don’t try to make this into some debate about nationality. Thanks Dr. L and Vincent for your support. Merry Christmas to everyone (including Snowflake)!

I was watching an old interview with Elizabeth Taylor on “The Tonight Show.” She was almost 60 and had just married her last husband, who was 40. Johnny made fun of her for marrying a younger man and she quipped, referring to her previous 6 husbands, “My men have stayed the same age.” HA! Forty is a good age for a man. 🙂

Assuming that woman is at least 20, her new guy is 40…which makes her 60…and Karl 70? Sorry, I just had to do the math.