i’m very interested in the topic of gay men and limerence. as a gay man who has suffered through many difficult limerent experiences, i’m fascinated with our particular brand of limerence. thoughts?

Ashley M. Jones

at the Sipsey River

make small steps.
in this wild place
there are signs of life
everywhere.
sharp spaces, too:
the slip of a rain-glazed rock
against my searching feet.
small steps, like prayers—
each one a hope exhaled
into the trees. please,
let me enter. please, let me
leave whole.
there are, too, the tiny sounds
of faraway birds. the safety
in their promise of song.
the puddle forming, finally,
after summer rain.
the golden butterfly
against the cave-dark.
maybe there are angels here, too—
what else can i call the crown of light
atop the leaves?
what else can i call
my footsteps forward,
small, small, sure?

Hi Speedwagon,

Admitting that the LE is fruitless and leads nowhere is good enough to embark one into acceptance, therefore killing all hope. Also it helps pulling her from the pedestal, seeing her as another common human being. Setting your eyes on some expansion, vision for the future on something you’d like to do instead.

Trying to understand how it all works, see this video.(sorry I don’t know how to post the link, but here’s the name:

“ The science and process of healing from grief.”
/Huberman Lab podcast #74”

Site, Andrew HUBERMAN , I think he’s excellent explaining his topics. Good luck, and have a wonderful weekend. Hugs.

Speedwagon

This post is a brilliant slice of narrative and it certainly helps me. I think that most of us who follow this site would do well to read it.

I am probably mixing too many metaphors here but I have recently made significant efforts to actively burn my limerent bridges, or singe them at any rate. In raking over the coals, I have unsurprisingly caused some emotions to resurface temporarily. The power of the rise and fall of anger, grief, anxiety and pain astonishes me.

It must have been very difficult for you to endure a situation where you have only been able to aim for L.C.

This is where I am at. I didn’t want to demonize her to get over it because I feel she was innocent in this. But I have had a thought of her still and right away I correct myself with sometimes a bit of resentment in my head. And I don’t want to fall back in the pit. So I go “No! Not again! Never again!” And I get angry at myself.

It’s not her fault you can’t listen to music you’ve know since you were a kid because YOU decided to apply them to her in limerence. YOU brought this on yourself. Now YOU suffer the consequences. I found being frustrated and even angry at myself helped me rid myself of the occasional or associative thoughts.

I’ve been listening to Barry White while I write this comment and his song “You’re The First, The Last, My Everything just started playing. Whose my first, last and everything? My dear wife who still cares for me after all this.

You’re the First, The Last, My Everything — Barry White
https://youtu.be/BtwOeoeWhoo?si=2hc4ogQFXO5QbBC5

Ha and before I could finish proofreading this post ….

“Cause I’ve found what the world is searching for
here, right here my dear, I don’t have to look no more
And oh my babe, I hoped and I prayed
for someone just like you to make me feel the way you do”

YES Momma!

Never Gonna Give You Up — Barry White
https://youtu.be/qSsiGrFmAsw?si=HzinCHx4Eao6hvai

Sorry I’m advance if my post seemed a bit preachy!

How does this look in reality? If you know my story, I cannot be NC but I am very strict LC now. I feel I have gained some power back with some of my choices to keep LO at a good distance. Making choices not to engage with her. My resolve for this comes on the back of the loss of hope. I still experience grief, as DR L writes in the blog, but I am comfortable in the grief rather than seeking LO to make it go away. That fix is ever only fleeting.

I have been kind of keeping up with peoples various stories here and a lot of people seem to be wallowing in the bargaining phase of LE, and keeping hope alive. I challenge anyone wanting to move on to examine what hope you are keeping alive and whether or not that hope is keeping you from truly moving on from your LO.

I am healing but it wasn’t just her looks that did it for me, but there was something less tangible about her- even from online I could see there was something special, something different about her.

The way in which she got rid of me on the site stung quite badly. After we met once, but the term limerence was one I had never heard of until someone asked me if I was suffering from it on a site. Looked it up or stumbled across it this week, this place.

I don’t have it for many, and hopefully this one which is on the way out will fade in full soon!

So I have been in limbo for the last few years, as we have went our separate ways on numerous occasions, but like magnets, the pull is almost irresistible and in a small town, we bump into each other a lot.

I have only had one relapse in No Contact in the last 14 months but every time I see him around town, I am so tempted to reach out again (but I know I will regret it if I do) and this past week alone, I saw him on 3 occassions. It definitely feels like a cruel joke by the universe every single time but I keep reminding myself that this person is being put in my life to teach me a lesson of some sort and this limerence is teaching me about my trauma bonding and attachment styles and where this person addiction is stemming from so I know that my understanding of my own self is evolving. I know these are all great strides in the direction to recovery from limerence….I just want to stop letting these LE’s effect my mood. And I want to stop wanting their attention so desperately!