I kick myself because my limerence has spoilt a fun friendship. There was never any doubt that we would act on our flirty banter even though I have fantasised about it daily. The highs from getting a text from him! Wow! What was my brain doing to me?
I am so glad I found a name for what I was feeling/experiencing and realised NC was the only option after finding this website. Thank you Dr L and everyone for sharing your stories. It’s still hard and I think about him a lot but it was all in my head. And it’s still all in my head. I’m hoping that eventually he won’t be in my head at all. I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone.

What still baffles me is why this has hit me much harder than the heartbreaks I had when I was a teen or young adult and a relationship didn’t work out. I remember feeling sad etc but I do not remember the despair I’ve been through and still feel at times.

But I’m doing better. I’m being kind to myself, I never meant to have these feelings and it is not my fault. I’ve done the right thing by going NC and feel lucky that u can do this as from what I read on here, many of you can’t and that must be hell.

Monday it is! You can do it.

LOL, Lovisa!
I can picture you and your daughter throwing axes like crazy and people taking cover:)
I admire your active lifestyle. I‘ll start running again on Monday, fingers crossed, I tell you now so that I feel bad if I won’t do it..

lol, thanks Mila. It is kinda funny. I prefer archery, but we don’t have a good place to practice archery in our yard. Our ax/knife/hatchet targets are in front of the neighbors’ corral, which is fine, because there is no danger of a stray knife flying that far. A stray arrow would be too threatening to the horses and I would be devastated if someone hurt those beautiful animals. My husband has been trying to figure out a way to target practice with a bow in a responsible way. Until then, I actually prefer the hatchets. My 14-year-old daughter is crazy good with the axes, but I can’t even stick them every time. It’s funny, the day after I bought her a new axe, she said, “Hey Mom, have you ever heard of Lizzy Borden?” To which I replied, “I sure have and I think I’ll be taking that axe back.” Lol

I just got home from an outdoor run. My hands are freezing! I believe in you, Mila!

Lovisa,
Throwing axes, really?
Hilarious! Sounds kind of dangerous for bystanders though:)
No running so far🙈🙈

“I know rationally it would set me back in the long term and achieve very little.”

Ryan

Once I realized this myself (actually making contact with her is easy) it made it much easier to maintain NC. She has moved on, probably thinks very little, if anything, about me and this is the rational thing to do; let her move on. That said, after a year and a half of NC the temptation is still there. Not constant but still there. I haven’t used snuff in 13 years now and I still get the craving/temptation now and then. Keep that rational brain front and center and maybe we will both get past this to the point it is an afterthought. Wishing the best for you Ryan.

Yikes. Initiating contact could go sideways fast. How would you initiate contact if you did?

By the way, Speedwagon and I happen to be “experts” on disclosure. He disclosed to his LO almost a year ago. I disclosed to my first LO in an attempt to address the elephant in the room. I accidentally disclosed to my second LO and my third LO disclosed to me. All of those disclosures were a bad idea. Reciprocation happened every time and it complicated the relationship. The only good disclosure for me was when I disclosed to my husband. He is incredibly patient and supportive. He tried to win back my attention by showering me with flowers, massages, attention and breakfast in bed. It was so sweet, but also unnecessary. My heart has always been his. I just got distracted, but I was never going to act on my feelings towards my LOs. Anyway, seriously, disclosing to your LO is a really bad idea. I think you can read Speedwagon’s experience on the New Year’s post or maybe it was Limerence for a coworker. I hope you get a chance to read about his experience and learn those tough lessons from him instead of learning them yourself (sorry Speedy).

Best wishes!

Thanks Speedwagon. Yes NC takes a lot of time and discipline but the reality is even dull times or NC has to be better than the tyranny of a LE – although for some reason my brain still struggles with that concept !