He’s explicitly told me that he does not want contact with me or to be a part of my life. Continuing to contact him (which I’ve done over the past few days) feels like harassment at this point, but I feel like I can’t stop. It does not help that our relationship has always been on again off again, with him coming back every time I start to pull away. That obviously didn’t happen this time and I think part of me was hoping it would when I reached back out to him. It does not help when he says things like, “I’m not ready for us to start talking again.” and “I’m not talking to you right now.” These things feed the hope. He said he would talk to me in three months.

I know I should just end it and not keep holding onto little bits of hope, but the idea of never seeing him again is devastating. I did some work and realized that he isn’t even the type of person I want to be with, but letting him go seems too hard. I’ve realized that it is his love for me (that he gave and then took away many times in our relationship) that I crave.

I have a compulsive need to seek his approval and relieve my anxiety. I ruminate on how his feelings have changed and beat myself up over the things I’ve done. These are actually bad things too- like name calling and breaking into his house when he didn’t want to talk to me. The best way to sum up our relationship is, the morning after I broke into his house he was going to file a restraining order against me and by that evening we were having sex. Why do I have this idea that I can change and this can work out still? I know this is insanity.

Thank you Dr. L. it worked this time….

Hi Scharnhorst…yes, I did, nothing there. But Managed to get in now that Dr. L. Logged me in.

Hi Maureen,
Some confirmation emails do seem to be going astray! There’s always a risk that they go into spam or promotions, but some don’t seem to arrive at all.

I’ve now registered you manually, so try logging in again.

Did you check your Spam folder?

Sorry, “lost”

Thanks!