@Emma. That is good to hear. What I mean is – you might not be able to get a formal diagnosis of “limerence”, say, if you were going through a particularly rough patch, unbearable misery, etc. I’m thinking doctors would diagnose depression or maybe, maybe bipolar. But therapy would definitely be a good place to talk about all the issues that arise or come to the surface because of limerence.

From my own perspective, I would have loved to have had access to everything you’ve written when I went through my first 3 LEs as it would have helped me immensely in coping with the intensity of my limerence at the time. It’s certainly opened my eyes to a subject that I thought I knew fairly well having read what little there is available about limerence and given me far more control over what I’m feeling with regards to my current LE, a journey that hasn’t been easy if I am honest, but definitely much easier than if I hadn’t come across this site.

Sammy, “the problem is the medical profession probably thinks it’s not in the business of mending broken hearts”…
I don’t know about doctors, but therapists and psychiatrists for sure are. In my experience therapy is very helpful even without the therapist being particularly knowledgeable about limerence itself. In the end it’s is about broken hearts, addiction, unmet needs, attachment issues, childhood traumas, etc etc…

Thanks for sharing that Kat2 – very helpful! My SO has started a diet recently and has been grumpy and not pleasant to be around all week….it really has prompted some more serious LO ruminations for me. But next time I ruminate like this, I will imagine LO being equally grumpy.

Dr L. Thanks so much for this blog. Wish you could quantify the amount of healing and self-realization that has occurred here! I found this blog using a search engine to explore what went wrong with what, I initially thought, was a great working relationship and friendship.

Five months into NC, I slipped after a request to return to my old workplace was made through a mutual acquaintenance. Not sure why I wasn’t contacted directly, but I texted LO ‘no can do’. Crickets. Grrrr. Although in retrospect, no reply was necessary and I told myself what I always say, ‘Eventually thoughts will be less and less and it will all be ok’.

All in all, I’m feeling so much better, understand the dynamics and how to keep from falling into this mentally distressing limbo. Like Kat2, I have triggers and being more self-aware can keep me from responding to them so quickly — a little think through before acting is always helpful. Nice job, Kat2.

Thank you again Dr L. for all your work and encouragement on this blog. It’s very helpful. Even today, I was thinking too much and realized yesterday was Saturday — Blog Day — Encouragement. Yes!!!

@ Kat2,
Great that you
spotted the trigger in time to stop, instead of acting first then regretting later!

(Also, you’re right. I think we all get home in a mood sometimes!)

Thank you!! I appreciate the support and love reading the articles here.

Can relate to your comments, Thomas. Friends have teased me about “carrying a torch” for this one or that one. “You sure like carrying torches for people, etc.”

Wish they sat us down in school and told us that love doesn’t feel desperate. That love shouldn’t come with endless anxiety attached. That anxiety is a sign that something is probably not quite right. Suffering for love really isn’t normal or desirable. Certainly it’s not common. So far in life, I’ve never been able to enjoy any of my “romantic adventures”, for want of a better word, as I’ve never been able to relax fully in the presence of my paramours. I become “distressed” easily.

My wish is one day doctors will at least be familiar with the concept of limerence and be able to pick up on signs of pain caused by limerence. E.g. if a young person turns up in an emergency ward following a suicide attempt, and there’s no clear cause, perhaps limerence-related unhappiness could be investigated as a contributing factor? I think there’s a sizable overlap between limerence and other mental health conditions e.g. depression, anxiety, social phobia, OCD, etc.

Of course, the problem is the medical profession probably thinks it’s not in the business of mending broken hearts – not enough funding, too many other ailments needing treatment. A broken heart is the province of advice columnists! But limerence is proof the physical and the emotional are profoundly connected. Thanks, DRL, for this site, and thanks to all the people who have posted here.

Welcome, Oshie, and thanks for your comment. Glad you’ve found us!

Glad too to hear that you are coming out of your last limerence episode. There are lots of posts here on how to handle life as a limerent, which should help with the mental preparation when it comes to your next LO. Good luck!

Hi Lifelonglimerent.

Funnily enough, I’ve probably got more sceptical as time has gone on. That repost was a revision of one of the earliest posts on the site, where I possibly had a more optimistic view (and hadn’t read so many sad stories from fellow limerents).

That said, I do think that limerence can be a positive force in life, if properly tempered by self-discipline and purposeful living. The key thing is to try and use it for your goals, rather than being a slave to it. This is most true, I think, for single people who are free to bond with a good LO. The initial period of euphoria is a great feeling, and very energising and creatively stimulating. If that then progresses into healthy long-term love, then life is good.

The three big dangers are: limerence when you are already committed, getting trapped in unrequited limerence, and limerence for a toxic LO.

That’s when limerence is a total SOB.