Going through this myself I can certainly comment and say that legal action must be taken to get a no contact order, which LO will likely break and court will occur. The goal (and desire from Jasmine) won’t be wanting to see LO in jail and of course she can emphathize BUT, LO must take responsibility for his actions and his actions are WRONG.

Limerence and other mental illnesses that contribute to stalking can be worked on and controlled through mental health support, skills and possibly medications. It is in LO’s best interest to control his desires so he can have a productive and meaningful life and possibly a proper relationship down the road.

Since Limerence stems from childhood trauma and deals with attachment bonding issues, it is a long road to recovery and healing, one most people will not take time to commit to (on their own). Thus the need for legal action that may force the person to make that choice (jail or therapy).

It sounds harsh and in a way we can call it ‘tough love’ but the LO’s obsession with Jasmine but be stopped cold turkey. Just a glimpse of her will keep that obsession alive.

No one can predict if stalking will escalate though case studies show that people with Limerence will not stop and also not be able to control their emotions and obssessions. This can lead to the “If I can’t have you no one else can”, they may not wish to hurt you right now and even later, but if/when their emotions are uncontrollable, it is likely they will react in a bad way.

Yeah, good point. I can’t see how this would be helping Jasmine, so best to draw it to a close.

Not my site but this one’s going way OT.

I have spoken to some of my black colleagues about it, but it is a very different cultural background in the UK. Plus, they don’t all have the same view on the matter.

My point is wider than that – listening involves everyone aiming for mutual understanding. The political position “You have privilege, so you need to shut up and listen, and if you still disagree it’s because you are not willing to learn” is incredibly destructive.

You might roll your eyes, snort at the naivete of “just asking questions”, and despair that the beautiful, privileged white people are still not getting it, but you could also consider that you are just falling into a different cognitive trap to the bloody-minded Privileged.

It is sincerely as baffling to me that well-meaning people are OK with abandoning colourblind civil rights principles, as it is to you that well-meaning people could take exception to the idea of white privilege.

You may want to discuss it with your Black colleagues, Dr. L.

I have Black family. I am regularly stopped when driving or being driven with them. It doesn’t happen otherwise. Nor am I approached by state troopers with their handgun out when it’s just me. They always have their hands on their weapons when it’s me with a non-white family member or friend.

You aren’t listening, Dr. L. When you are a 3 out of a 10 scale – you know it. Even if you didn’t know it, it is regularly demonstrated when it isn’t stated outright.

I actually wrote a post on beauty a while ago.

I get your scepticism, Lee, but kind of by definition there are more plain people in the world than beautiful people, so lots of us get the “beauty privilege” concept.

However, like all privileges, those of us without them have no idea what the reality of having them is like. We’re all righteously thinking “you’ve no idea what it’s like to be me”.

In my opinion, that’s why the present political focus on privilege is so toxic and destructive.

*throws up hands*

You don’t get it. You have the privilege and luxury of not getting it. It’s like white people stating, “I don’t see color!” and thinking that is a good thing when all it does is render Black people and their experiences still more invisible. They never have the privilege of being able to ignore whiteness in their lives and are always very aware of their surroundings, taking the temperature of the people around them, etc.

I may not have the same start that Robert Hoge did, but when you are a plain woman and have been your entire life, you know full well when someone is trying to snow you. Worse, they think you are supposed to be GRATEFUL for their attention.

The phenomenon of “pigging” isn’t new and I was on the receiving end plenty often. I fell for Mr. Lee telling me he loved me, I was beautiful to him, etc. Well, he left without all the money to which he was owed in his rush to “finally experience youth AND beauty – all you had to offer was youth!”

It’s great for you and those you know who are more attractive than ever. To never be invisible or only notable as the plain, smart one. I don’t need or want false assurances and that is why dates have ended abruptly when they pull them out. I don’t like liars. Never have, never will and don’t wish to waste a further second on them. I wasted 20+ years with Mr. Lee. Come to find out all those hospitalizations weren’t “work stress” – they were “work stress because LO #too many” had left, or had shot him down, or had said to leave her alone or there would be a report filed.

So cynical Lee 🙂 Either that or you are meeting a lot of bad apples. Maybe real beauty is a combo of inside and out. I have met some very good looking but shallow people and found them distinctly unattractive and I would go as far to say that I have always found really good looking, highly groomed men a bit of a turn off.
There is a flip side…..I was pretty attractive when younger and I got a lot of male attention as a result. And I really hated that! I felt like guys never wanted to get to know me or talk to me properly, they just liked the outside wrapping and that was good enough for them.

I agree with Dr. L. Plenty of attractive women in their 50s these days (I’ve even met some attractive women in their 60s). People are aging much better these days if they take good care of themselves. Men too can be pretty buff and handsome into their 50s, 60s and even 70s.

I have honestly told men that they look distinguished. I haven’t tried to pretend they look as though they are in their 20’s – 30’s.

But I also wasn’t trying to weasel my way into their bank accounts.