Hi Gallant,

I spent a lot of time in prayer, wondering who God might send me to replace LO. For a long time I had a belief it would never happen. Once LO left my building, I was like a scared and lost puppy dog at work every day. I went in there sad. I had to walk past her old office all the time and see the cubicle and chair she would sit in. Missing her in her pretty outfits, her smile, her gorgeous, long hair, watching her move and walk, and talk on her phone. For months I would go out to my car on break and cry my eyes out just because I couldn’t see her as much as I used to and I really missed any stupid little breadcrumb she gave me. Some nights I stayed late and found places on the complex just to go and cry and write sad poetry to her, just to keep some fake hope or memory alive. At times I kept saying to myself, this can’t go on. I can’t keep being this sad and miserable. I actually thought about suicide. Yet I never even knew this Woman.. Sick, sick limerence..

Once our building closed and I got to my new position across the street, I caught the eye of another younger Lady and spent months trying to muster up courage to go and speak to her. There was a ton of eye contact going on between us. It was almost like the eye contact between LO and I. I was afraid. I’m not good at approaching, but I couldn’t turn this into another LE and I swore I wouldn’t. My psyche could not handle this becoming an episode #2 LE. So I made the decision one cold night, to go and approach her at her car. Which didn’t go exactly like I wanted but it wasn’t terrible either. We talked. I told her I’d see her inside and the rest is pretty much history. Almost a year later, she has become a pretty good work buddy to me and we are Friends. Come to find out she’s the same age as LO, but only older by about 2 months. At times I feel some glimmer coming on, but I really try to suppress it because she’s super nice and sweet and checks off a whole lot of boxes on my list. Sometimes I think she will make some guy a very happy Husband someday. Sometimes I like to think it could be me, but it’s not where we are now and I’m doing everything I can to keep things normal between us, without letting my feelings take center stage. It would not be fair to her.

What I’m saying here is I had to take the first step to get myself out of the funk I was in. Nobody else but me could do that.

Does it mean that my limerence and all that emotion for LO just up and vanished? Of course not. I still have sad days and nights of missing her. Once in awhile I still tear up over her. This Woman has had an amazing effect on me. Even as great and as awesome as my new Lady Friend is now, she’s still not LO. Nobody can be LO in my book. I’m not exactly proud to admit that either, but it’s what this condition has done to me. The good thing is, these feelings for LO do not take precedent like they used to but it takes time and effort.

Like Imho mentions perfectly, there are ladies out there that will be interested in you. Be kind to yourself and be open to new experiences and opportunities. Seek them out and the love interest will come. But they won’t come if you are sitting around thinking they won’t.

Had I thought they would never come, I could not post what I do now. God showed me Lady Friend, knowing she would show up when I truly needed her most. I believe something similar could happen for you too. If you will allow it.

I wish the best for you Gallant and I hope you find what you are looking for. Please come back and give us an update. We’ll be here for you..

By the way Gallant, I see your last message was a bit of a farewell to Lwl, so pleased don’t feel any obligation to reply to my message or others at all. But I would say don’t close your options off and feel free to keep messaging here, as and when you think it may help. Or maybe in future you can help others through your insights too.

Hi Gallant, maybe you need to enjoy yourself on vacation – what can you see and do ? I hope you are not at home and are away somewhere different to experience new things. If not, then look at some new stuff on your next weekends.
I know sometimes us limerent types just want to be introspective and overthink stuff.
I really understand this, trust me , but I also know when I push myself out in the real world it’s almost always positive.
You said :-
“I sit around thinking of all the reasons why she or any other woman shouldn’t be interested in me”
Im sure there are ladies out there interested in you, be kind to yourself and be open to new experiences and opportunities, seek them out and the love interest will come. But they won’t come if you are sitting around thinking they won’t. Melancholy can be a comfortable friend but later in life, you will wish you didn’t lean on it so much. Again, trust me on this one.
You are single and I think you have youth on your side….. My goodness don’t waste this time Gallant. Don’t overthink, do more and seek fun and joy !

Hi Gallant,

Short answer – if you idealize them you aren’t over it.

Long answer – LO1 and LO3, i just realized one day I hadn’t thought about them for a few days/weeks and didn’t feel anything anymore at all rather than friends/colleagues with their own flaws. LO1 I just saw as a good friend who lived in another city, and after moving to her city for work I rapidly saw the friendship for what it was, very limited, to some extent we were using each other. We had little in common and different attitudes to life. LO2 was a colleague I worked closely with, before and after I saw her as a nice one who I could have been good friends with, but very obviously not a potential partner.

LO2 – I never got over it, just had quiet periods, and still idealize her 16 years later, it’s a constant project. That said, it was a potential relationship that went awry after a couple of months, just not long enough to see enough of the bad sides (we all have). If you can’t get away, maybe try and disclose and either you get a relationship , or maybe get to see the bad sides.

A side point, my limerence has always been driven by loneliness or traumatic/transitional events, so maybe re-visit your ideas about whether you really want to be single. I’m not saying you aren’t correct, but I know I had repressed how lonely I was when LO1 and 2 occurred. I could only recommend deeply reflecting on whether that is a driver of the intensity of your feelings. That might be one angle to explore to see if it helps relieve the internal strains. I know how miserable and overwhelming it can be.

Thank you for the reply MJ

I sometimes think NC just makes us idolize them more because all we have is this ideal image of them in our heads and since we aren’t seeing or interacting with them there is nothing to change it.

I saw my LO briefly from the side on Monday of my last week before my vacation and it put me in a bad mood for 30 hours and I am not sure why. Some days I can see her three times and recover in a few hours. I can picture that exact image of her in my mind and it doesn’t bother me but for some reason seeing her in person kills me. I guess it is the reality of knowing she couldn’t care less. Even though I am the one that abruptly stopped talking to her and started ignoring her, I feel I am the one being rejected.

I was able to avoid my LO completely for the last 4 days of the week and I thought since it only took 30 hours after seeing her on Monday to get out of my bad mood, my vacation would be great. Instead I have spent most of the time sitting around thinking about her. I think perhaps the loss of routine and being idle gives my mind more time to dwell on my LO and the LE.

It has been almost two weeks of my vacation and I just feel totally depressed. It has been 16 days straight of not seeing her and 14 weeks of NC but instead of feeling better I feel worse. I sit around thinking of all the reasons why she or any other woman shouldn’t be interested in me. So why can’t I just accept it and move forward? I was happy before the LE with no desire to date or be in a relationship and just want to go back to that.

Now I dread my vacation will come to an end and it will be back to the same thing when I return to work. Instead of the distance helping it just depressed me more. Maybe I need a big change like moving someplace else.

Hopefully this will be my last post here. Either things will get better or they won’t and posting here isn’t going to change that.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my ramblings and to reply. You are all the best and I wish nothing but peace and happiness for you all!

Thanks MJ! I am happy to see your progress as well, keep going!

Hello ABCD, nice to see you posting again and thanks for the update and support. Keep up the good work.

Thanks F. Yep – time, patience and distraction, these are the keywords, totally agree.

That’s great to hear Mila! Once LO moves, I am sure you will have an even better handle on LE. All the best!

Thanks Lovisa. It has become pretty hot here so I’m kind of trying to see if I can do the long run. Training is going well and I ensure I clock in the kms every week. I’ll keep you updated on my progress.