Adam,
“Are you kidding Marcia? 🙂 Why do you think I ask you things like that? It’s because you don’t tell me what I want to hear, you tell me what I need to hear even though I was having a particularly bad weekend. And I thank you for that.”
You’re welcome. 🙂 You should be proud of yourself that you’ve gone NC and stuck with it for a year. It’s not easy.

I feel you Adam..

Are you kidding Marcia? 🙂 Why do you think I ask you things like that? It’s because you don’t tell me what I want to hear, you tell me what I need to hear even though I was having a particularly bad weekend. And I thank you for that.

“Yet he still can’t shake the fact she wanted to move on. Considering he was a good friend to LO. That has to be very hard.”

This is the last tether this woman has on me. I regret that I could have had a healthy co-worker, possibly friendly, relationship with her but I could not manage that. The limerence made it unhealthy and awkward. She moved on, for the better for her, and I am stuck in some kind of limbo. Moving past these regrets about this entire General Hospital drama is harder than I expected. So many things I could have done better. But I didn’t.

MJ,
“Oh what to do…”
Well, it’s kind of obvious, no? Stay away from the people who glimmer for you.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be interested or attracted. Of course you should. But you don’t have to be knocked over by someone to ak them out and then see if something more is there.

I guess my picker is off too then. Because I would have sworn my life that LO and I had a future. At least as friends to start. She totally glimmered for me and still does to this day. Oh what to do…

MJ,
“Would you say all glimmering is bad though? Especially if I found someone who might feel some mutual attraction?”
I guess it depends on how you define glimmer. When I’ve been limerent, it’s been an “extra” attraction. I start getting that churning, longing, nervous feeling. The person kind of glows. And when I have felt that way … it’s been a bad choice. My picker is off. 🙂
I think these strong attractions can blind us to who the other person is. Unless you’re lucky and one of these people who can feel the glimmer for a good LO. And the LO is avaialable and interested.
I differentiate the glimmer from normal interest/attraction.

Thank you Marcia, good advice. Would you say all glimmering is bad though? Especially if I found someone who might feel some mutual attraction?

Adam,
“Will my heart always have a place for her?”
Not if you don’t want it to. I hate to be that trite, but it’s really up to you how long you hold onto this.
Not that you can just wish it away. But you can start dismantling it.

MJ,
“I have sown the seeds of my own demise.”
It’s not your demise. This doesn’t define who you are. You’re in a bad place now, and I’m sorry, but you won’t be there forever. Recovery is possible. And so is understanding what triggers your limerence and running the hell away when/if you feel the first prickles of a new glimmer in the future.

In my pathetic LE situation, I can tell myself all day long, LO doesn’t reach out because she’s just not interested. I know this. I understand this. I get it. But I don’t want to believe it or do anything about it because I feel like I’m in a never ending bad place. LO still helps make up for that, just by being her. No matter how bad or good she is at the moment.
I on the other can’t help it because I’m not good at relationships, getting them off the ground or even maintaining them. So I’m becoming a bitter old crotchety Man, in fear of living the rest of my days alone.

I get how Adam is in a bad place because he so wants to make his marriage work without giving LO any more of his time. Yet he still can’t shake the fact she wanted to move on. Considering he was a good friend to LO. That has to be very hard. Considering how I still feel about my LO. Even in the face of obvious, straight-up, in-my-face rejection. I simply, matter-of-factly adore this Woman. It’s pure ludicrous insanity on my part. But limerence monster keeps telling me, “It’s ok MJ, just remember, at least she didn’t totally forget about you, or who you were.” That’s a sickness and yes I am working on psychological help.

I have sown the seeds of my own demise.
It’s no joke about limerence feeling like a bad hangover. I think I’m just getting used to how that feels everyday for me now, and it does
really suck.

Marcia why is it so easy she forgets me but she means so much to me?! Will my heart always have a place for her?