I never spoke to my LO, I never face timed or met her. Just from chatting I identified this. She was quite shocked. She called a man friend she’d known for years and asked him. He confirmed that was the case as long she had known her. (At least 35 years) she could not believe it. She was worried she had been leading men on all this time. This one thing made everything special.

The over sharing stepped up a notch. We liked everything each other liked. Well most things. Or that’s how it felt. The realisation hit me when a meeting was arranged and we were about a week way when it was cancelled. My world came crashing down hard. So hard I looked up my feelings on line. Here we are. 4 days NC fail, 5 more days NC fail, 8 days NC and counting.

The last time we spoke the NC was spoken about and I bravely said that an email every once in while was too “uncertain” I could not live with that uncertainty. She could not commit to two emails a week, yet previously we were chatting at all hours of the day.

It was this my limerant brain can’t let go of. If she had just said no I think it’s best we go no contact. I’d have been fine with that. But “can’t commit ?” That one sentence alone is keeping me from letting go altogether. I will continue to go no contact.

“it works.”
I’ll only know that when I’m not on here anymore … or when I find a blog on which he’s posted (or any of my past LOs) about me, trying to piece about my every behavior. … HA! I’m going to be waiting a while. I ain’t Marilyn Monroe. Arthur Miller isn’t writing about me in an autobiography 30 years later to expunge my ghost.

Marcia,

One of the therapists said I had PTSD. Mild but definitely there.

LwL is one way I deal with it.

It’s free, it’s anonymous, and it works.

I guess, but I’m only going to consider myself “winning” when I no longer need to post on an anonymous blog to figure out what happened years later with someone who has clearly moved on. My absence ain’t keeping him up nights.

Marcia,

I did say I was a slow learner. But, I learned.

In December 1987, I suggested to LO #2 that we see a marriage counselor even though we weren’t married. She declined.

In December 1988, I married another woman.

Point, set, match.

You can also keep someone gone by not letting them back in your life. LOS are good at zombeing but it is our decision

Marcia,

The therapist asked why I agreed to see here when she called after I’d sent the letter.

I told the therapist I thought maybe she’d changed and you don’t know if they did or didn’t until you let them show you. I said I’d gotten glimpses she might have turned.

The therapist said that’s what LO #2 wanted me to think. The therapist also said that for a smart guy, I was a really slow learner.

A lot of this crap could have been avoided if when she said she wasn’t coming back, she’d have stayed gone.

But, she didn’t.

“we’d been broken up for 10 months and I’d sent her a letter saying I’d had enough.”
But you hadn’t had enough. You were still messing with her. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot about how people show up in our lives. In terms of limerence, yes, but also in general. There really isn’t any uncertainty (as much as we discuss it here). Someone who wants to be with you is with you. No games, no machinations, no reappearing/disappearing, no heavy flirtation/no delivery, no keeping you guessing. If you have all of that going on, you have already lost. Eventually, the whole thing will implode, if it gets off the ground at all. Yeah, maybe when my LO found out about his friend, there was a bit of a sting. But who cares? He and I aren’t together. I didn’t win. And I highly doubt he’s tortured over me after all this time. He’s long gone. So all those games I played were a colossal waste of time.

Marcia,

When I did the answering machine thing, we’d been broken up for 10 months and I’d sent her a letter saying I’d had enough.

She was warned and she chose to ignore the warning. Based on things she said to me, I could only conclude that she was screwing with me. She was fair game.

I didn’t take shots at her, I laid mines. If she didn’t poke around, she wouldn’t trip them.

You should have seen the expression on her face when she saw the 300ZX Turbo I bought. She asked, “What’s that?!”

“The down payment on what would have been our house.”

That’s why I think the FB friend request I got from her after 25 years had to be a mistake.

LE,
“But, the best one was when I had the SIL of a coworker record my answering machine message after LO #2 warned me she’d be back in town. ””
I don’t know. I think the game is already lost when stuff like this is done.