On an existential note…

Trigger Warning: While really funny, this can also be a real downer.

Today, the barriers to real life can make everyday living miserable…or kill you. Ok, going to the grocery store could always kill you but it wasn’t in your face.

As a High School sophomore in 1972, there was plenty of angst in our world.

It’s worse now. Even better, you know about it in real time and have to work to escape it. At least in 1972, you had to wait for the next news cycle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ey6ugTmCYMk

Stay strong and it will happen. My LO’s Star is fading fast and I’m starting to see him very differently than I did. I don’t need him, and although I wish him the best I don’t want him in my life. He no longer has power over me (as long as I stay away).

Hi Mia!
I am a little over a year NC. I have been a limerent since childhood, but this last LE was the worst by far due to it’s duration (several years) and the intensity of the LO’s attention and thoughtfulness and charisma, charm, style and extreme generosity. He always made me feel I was just couple of small steps away to spending an exciting, adventurous, pampered and joyous lifetime with him. I tried to escape a few times, (I really did!) but wasn’t strong enough to resist his extreme efforts to woo me back.
I will never understand his behaviour and it’s baffling that all he really wanted was a very close and intense and interdependent friendship, but it was the case. He would like to be back where we were but as he is now finally in a committed relationship I took the leap into NC and although the first months were the most excruciating pain of my entire life, I get better every week, far surpassing my expectations. I thought I would be miserable and pining for him for the rest of my life, and life would be nothing but enduring pain of heart, hurt and anger and longing, but now I am finding myself again, enjoying my own company immensely (lockdown style) and have strengthened many friendships with my friends of all ages. I am often told that I am loved by dear authentic friends and now have the brainspace to think and explore and create and learn and give quality attention to many deserving people and things instead of being sucked into the vortex that was the LO. If I ever choose to be in a romantic relationship (emphasis on MY choice) I will be a much better partner and have the potential for a really healthy relationship. If I choose not to , I know I will still be happy and whole nonetheless. Stay the course….there is everything to gain by breaking free and nothing to lose but the pain of a false ‘friendship’ and ‘romance’. Life is too precious to waste on a fake.

Where are you in recovery jaideux ? You seem to have recovered or was that relief an experience from a former LO?
Im in the negotiation fase, sometimes I want to understand LO (so I can re connect one day ) sometimes I’m angree sometimes I have so much pain I think I can’t take it, sometimes I fantasize about our future meeting when I’m better and more strong to handle LO ( which is absurde but my mind desperately seeks for relief even in insane fantasy). Most important step is keeping NC for me. And I will, first step will be 30 days. And than celebrate and prolonge with another 30 days .

Yes the detaching feels so good! It’s so liberating! When the pain is at its worst you can never imagine feeling happy again or even enjoying detaching…but as you naturally heal you suddenly realize a huge weight is off of you and you have indeed detached and then you can rediscover yourself!

The anger state of grief can be overwhelming but it’s healthy, your body is doing it’s work, cleaning up, sorting out, making you so angry to prepare you for the detaching that will follow. You are getting there.

All the very best to you too.

Oh, Maryanne, so sorry for your loss! It takes a good long time to recover from such a loss and then to have a narcissist pushing the boundaries on top of it is too much.

I noticed an up tick of ‘concern’ when I was dealing with a terminal parent. I couldn’t go NC until I left that company completely, and until then there was much manipulation involving including me in the work-social circle, wanting me to be acquainted with wife, texts – all things that maybe he viewed as making sure I was receiving wanted attention (yes I know it’s limerent behavior to try to attribute good motives to LO when really the messages were very mixed) but to me, were just excruciatingly painful and anxiety provoking.

I understand the feelings of feeling so vulnerable and being in a living hell that you can’t get away from. I wish you well on your journey to properly grieve and recover. As one soft boundary person to another, it’s hard to lay down a strong and clear boundary, but you are moving in the right direction! I backed down on the initial limited contact because of LO being my boss and in a position of authority. Hard for me, I’ve learned through this whole sorry mess, and leaving completely was the only way. You sound like you are doing everything right (except the texts?). You will be stronger and stronger as you go along.

I have been reduced to writing all my feelings down on paper and burning it. Gives me much satisfaction. Apparently I’m in in the angry phase of grief! I felt manipulated into sliding down what I knew was a slippery slope and was in a position of grief and other contributing factors that made me more vulnerable than I would have been normally. Your life struggles reasonated. Hugs and well wishes to you. You’re stronger than you know!

That song was beautiful.