Reminds me of the end of my civil partnership I’d either think ‘the bedding is a bit old and I don’t feel sexy…’ followed by… ‘we’ve just changed the sheets, I don’t want to mess them up with shenanigans!’

Obviously earlier in the relationship I’d been less bothered about a) the state of the bedding or b) the suddenly pivotal importance of a bed!

What a world, aye?

Your welcome Carolinelina, it’s a daily battle for me too. Two years of struggle, but I certainly feel much better today and have a lot of 2020 goals to beat this limerence.
I take each day one step at a time or I feel overwhelmed.
Goodluck in your journey.

1) You don’t climb off a pedestal, you fall or jump off a pedestal

2) You don’t often voluntarily jump off a pedestal, most often, the person that put you there knocks you off

3) The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall from grace

Plus there is a prior moral principle: respecting everyone means not speaking or acting toward anyone in ways that objectify them.

As a side note, I now find myself on the receiving end of an obsession that a female acquaintance is acting out — not romantic but about a wildly idealized and excessive notion of friendship. She is objectifying me like I’ve never been objectified before (so far as I know). It feels like an attack, an invasion of my privacy, and an attempt to manipulate and control me. And i’m a pretty easy-going person: it takes a lot for me to say things like that. This is not an experience I’d wish on anyone. I think the moral of the story is, if you really love someone, the very last thing you should allow yourself ever to do is to objectify them.

McTavish – I’ve wondered about what happens when limerence becomes physical. My LE was only in my head, so I was able to still experience Eros for my spouse, increased in fact by heightened libido. But I do wonder what would have happened if my limerence crossed into a PA, or even a reciprocated EA…would it be possible then to still maintain Eros for my spouse at the same time?? Somehow I don’t think so, which is rather frightening. I consider myself fortunate that none of my LO’s have ever reciprocated (at least overtly). If ever a LO were to initiate something, would I be able to stay in control? Scary…

“”I think it was the tone for me – a bit self-centred and lacking in compassion for my taste””

Ha, you are being too kind Dr L, I was thinking more along the lines of condescending and arrogant.

It was an interesting article from the LO’s perspective and if you have a non-reciprocal LO.
But what if your LO is the one staring and tracking YOUR progress across a room and his SO notices etc etc?

This is the type of doggy-doo behaviour that started my LE in the 1st place, granted one of many catalysts but a major contributor for me.

Thanks Avalanche. I appreciate your support a great deal, as well as the fact you went through something similar.

My wife and I have some serious issues to sort through in our marriage. I love her, but I am not sure we will be able to overcome those problems. Still, it isn’t entirely bad 100% of the time. There is love, tenderness and companionship there, as well as over 18 years of history together. My biggest fear is we will be able to improve our marriage and our lives just enough to no longer be completely miserable, but not enough to truly be happy (it isn’t just me; she isn’t happy either). That would be the worst possible outcome because at least the status quo is unacceptable and unsustainable and must change.

I am also worried my SO simply cannot compete with the power of my LO. I worry that I will subconsciously sabotage my efforts to improve my marriage with some damn fool idea of chasing my LO. How can the old and familiar compete with this shiny new object? Still, my rational brain tells me I am not going to leave my wife and the mother of my child for some woman I have spent maybe two hours of my life with in a bar and a taxi ride home — who is also keen on my brother in-law, not me. I would have a faint hope (maybe a 1% chance of landing her) at best. But I have promised myself that if my marriage ends, if my LO doesn’t end up with my brother in-law (which she won’t because he really isn’t into her), if I am able to continue my exercise and weight loss journey and gain more confidence, and if she isn’t with someone else by then, I would try to find my LO in six months or a year and see if she would go on a date with me (I know where to find her). I realize the odds are totally against me and that’s a lot of “ifs.” I know relationships with LOs often end up in disappointment, and my feelings for her are largely built on a false image I have built up in my mind. I also know I would likely get shot down in flames by her. Still, I can’t help but feel that life is too short and since the prize is so wonderful and incredible, why wouldn’t I at least try?

I realize that I cannot live my life in hope of hooking up with my LO. That is a stupid way of thinking and is totally illogical. If it happens, great, but I probably have more chance of winning the lottery. If my marriage ends it has to be because it doesn’t work for me (or for my SO, for that matter). Such a decision has to be independent of anything to do with my LO. I just worry that my SO can’t compete with my LO and my lizard/limerent brain will try to subconsciously sabotage any efforts to reconcile with my wife. My SO and I have talked about divorce a couple of times in the last few weeks, and I was strangely calm and at peace at the thought of it. That also worries me, but I need to at least try to turn things around. I have suggested counselling but my SO won’t do it.

@Vicarious:
I fell into the latest LE about 3 years ago. At the time I suppose I was feeling similarly to you about the relationship with SO. We don’t have a lot of interests in common and along comes LO at work and LO seemed magical! Eventually I disclosed to SO and months later to LO. That whole thing didn’t go very well but So and I are in a better place now, although there’s still a LOT of work to do. In 2 short years we will be empty nesters and if we don’t find some serious hobbies or interests in common…..
Anyway keep working on your LTR and if you think it’s not salvageable then end it and live YOUR life. We all only have so much time left on this planet and it would be a shame to live in an unfulfilling state.

Thanks Dr L. My W was like that too until reciprocation from LO happened and it’s like she completely shut off all feelings for me.