In fact, true philia or storge (and even pragma) takes time and experience to build to being meaningful, but limerence seems to intensify the promise of those forms of love. In the grip of limerence, the LO seems a source of emotional succour and thrillingly interesting and attractive. Someone you want to spend time with and bond with, someone who seems to offer the promise of lasting philia, coupled to eros.”

Such great analysis. Another example of why this blog is so great.

I think I’ve traditionally had trouble telling the difference between Eros and Philia. But I didn’t realise limerence can ramp up the Philia drive too. I think I’m more trapped by the promise of friendship than by the promise of sex. Then I start to feel really guilty as true friendship isn’t meant to have a background sexual component, no matter how subtle that background sexual component is. Nor is true friendship meant to make people painfully shy/self-conscious.

I wonder if limerents are people who have trouble separating Eros out from Philia or Philia out from Eros, and yet limerence seems to increase the desire for (and expression of) both these forms of love?

I have come to the horrifying conclusion that my LO was actually … a terrible friend. I actually don’t like him very much at all.

“As a final note, though, I can’t not comment on the killer combo of a LO with ludus and a limerent with an eros/philia blend.”

Hm, yes. This resonates with me strongly. I ‘m drawn to the playful types and somehow end up in some weird no man’s land that’s neither Eros nor Philia, but mimics both feeling states. I guess we could define that as limerence. 😛

” I don’t think anyone would ever describe me as a Madonna/Virgin Mary type.”

Ok,

Sammy will just have to project that one. As a limerent, that shouldn’t be a great leap.

Allie,
“I propose an exception to both of the above statements: a spouse!”
I’ve never dated anyone who I didn’t think was holding a bit back and vice versa. Writer Truman Capote said something interesting in an interview about the difference between romance and friendship. I’m paraphrasing, but in friendship you can reveal all of yourself. In romance, it becomes more difficult. Your friend might know about the hottest sex of your life, but you wouldn’t tell your partner about it unless it was with them. I had a friend who was married to her third husband. He thought he was her second husband. She’d been married for less than a year when she was 18. The marriage was annulled, but she didn’t want him to know about it. I don’t know why.

LO #2 said I was her best friend right up until the end. I told her that I’d stopped being her best friend when I stopped being her boyfriend. I didn’t like the demotion.

One of the things she said right before I got her to admit that I was Plan B was, “You didn’t always tell me what I wanted to hear but you always told me what I needed to hear.” But, the nicest thing she ever said to me was, “You taught me how to stand up for myself. I’m grateful to you for that.”

That’s another odd thing about that relationship. Even if I was Plan B, I never felt unappreciated by LO #2. Even though we couldn’t seal the deal, LO #2 was well aware of what she had and what she was walking away from.

I taught my wife to stand up for herself, too. But, my wife was a lot younger and wasn’t anywhere near the people-pleasing pushover that LO #2 was.

“Nobody will call you on your crap better than someone who is not invested in your undercarriage.”
So true! I likewise much prefer the company of people who can call me out on my crap, and take the same from me without making it personal.
I propose an exception to both of the above statements: a spouse!

Ha ha! I don’t think anyone would ever describe me as a Madonna/Virgin Mary type.

Something tells me Jack Nicholson never kissed a woman’s butt in his life.

I’ll bite…

Which one’s missing?

You beat Meatloaf. He only got 2 out of 3 and that ain’t bad…

Clip of the Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWSx0bBiNIs – “A Few Good Men (1992)

Allie,
“Maybe because we are non-competitors with zero sexual potential?”
Noooooo! 🙂 They aren’t trying to get in your pants, so they aren’t kissing your butt. Nobody will call you on your crap better than someone who is not invested in your undercarriage. 🙂